Men’s Opinions on Women

J

Jcrew3082

Cathlete
So, I just had a long talk with my neighbor- a very nice guy in his late 20’s, married to a great woman, just had a baby. We were talking about differences between men and women. Although I know he didn’t mean to insult women in any way, I kind of gathered that he and many other men think women are controlling in relationships and want to be the boss. He also thinks that men by nature are not meant to be with just one woman forever. Now, with that being said, let me add that this guy is a great husband and dad and doesn’t think of or treat women badly.

After our discussion, I felt kind of bummed. I wondered if all men think this way. I was asserting that in general, some women can be controlling, but not all women are. Some women are content with a relative balance of “power” in a relationship.

I’m single and still young and would like to be married someday. I know marriage is work, but I think it’s possible for truly compatible man and woman to find balance and compromise without losing their individuality and constantly struggling to be the boss.

So I sit here and wonder, what do men really think of us? Do single men think all women are controlling and therefore feel that the have to play “the game” when dating?

Any thoughts, ladies?

Thanks!
 
All men are not like this. Educated men do not think like this. neither of my brothers, raised in a family of many women, think like this and my husband never thinks in terms of gender generalities. He sees people as individuals. And in fact, if he is to see people in terms of gender generalities, he is far more likely to agree with me and stand up for injustices against women. He lives with a feminist and gender/sexualities studies PhD student! I think that the men I know are just so grateful that women look after their relaionships. A lot of men don't and they would be lost without us. Looking out for your relationships and nurturing them does not equate to "wanting to be the boss." There should be no "boss" in an intimate relationship. Both partners have strengths and weaknesses and it is to be hoped that together we can help balance eachother out to create equanimity. I know that my husband and I do: we achieve balance between us. On our own, each of us is unbalanced, skewed to one side with character excesses, as are we all. The fact that your neighbour resents what he perceives as women being the "boss" in a relationship reveals that he sees personal relationships as power trips and would like to have the upper hand. It is not an enlightened viewpoint. I am so glad not to be in a relationship with him.

Clare
 
Yes, "all men" do not share a single opinion, I would wager big bucks.

Of course, lots of men have simple-minded opinions, lots do not. I think lots of men are AFRAID that women will try to control them, due to anecdotal evidence, movies, cultural stereotypes, etc. But what happens in any particular relationship is entirely between the two people in it.

Women are under no contractual obligation to be controlling, submissive, fat, thin, nurturing, bitchy, to like to shop, to hate to shop.

We are all individuals, and anyone you would marry will hopefully see you as an individual and love you for who you are and avoid projecting silly stereotypes on you.

I have spoken.}(
 
I think that there has to be a balance in the relationship. At times I have to be the "boss" and at times he has to be the "boss" depending on the situation. You have to learn how to pick your battles and remember to not sweat the small stuff. Marriage is work at times but fun and so worth it- I would not want it any other way.
I have also learned that it is important to keep your individuality. For a long time I felt that if we love each other we should spend all our time together, but I found that it was hurting our relationship. I believe that hobbies are important to keep individuality.
I don't believe all men think the way your neighbor does. You also have to remember that his wife just had a baby and I'm sure he is living with some unbalanced hormones and sleep deprivation. That is not a good combination especially for a man.
 
I know for a fact that my husband doesn't believe that men aren't supposed to be with one woman forever.
 
No offense to that guy but I think that it's beyond hubris to think that just because you are a certain way then the rest of the world is too.

Don't worry there are lots of good guys out there. :)
 
thats kind of sad, I wonder if the wife feels the same as her hubby, or if she really knows how he thinks, and why on earth bring a child into that kind of thinking.......
Hubby and I have been married nearly 24 yrs, I am blessed... Rhonda:7
 
Funny you should post this.
DH played hockey the other night and when he came home he told me about the talk in the dressing room that night.One guy,(his wife I use to hangout with) never wants to go home after hockey.His wife nagged so much the other day that he got mad and broke their kitchen table...then he had to buy her a new one.He is so quiet and doesn't deserve this.I know them both well.She lucked in to marrying him.Everything was passed to her b/c he came from money.His parents bought their house for them and all of their vechiles are company owned...they don't have any bills.Basically she is spoiled rotten.She wants to have the upper hand in the relationship.Numerous times, DH has been with him and she will call him yelling, telling him to come home.He drops everything and goes.Then he doesn't return.He plans an outing with the "boys" and she ruins it everytime.
Then DH said, the stories kept going.All of the men started talking about how their SO get out of control and nag to no end at times.
DH told them he very rarely has a problem at home.He said that when I am moody he just leaves the house and doesn't come home until I am in a good mood.

I think women can be controlling but for very good reasons.If we did the things men do we would never get away with it.
If you are living with someone who is working all day,not helping with kids and house work ,and spending alot of time with his buddies then I think we have the right to nag.If we were working, then came home and sat down, then went out 2-3 times a week, they would nag at us to b/c they are the ones home with the kids.
I have a good relationship but there are times when he needs a reality check.I am a firm beleiver that we are living in a MANS WORLD
Lori
Then DH said the stories kept going:)
 
I am glad to hear you say this Clare, particularly that “there should be no "boss" in an intimate relationship. Both partners have strengths and weaknesses and it is to be hoped that together we can help balance each other out to create equanimity.” This is what I believe. Of course they may never be perfect balance, but most of us don’t expect perfect balance and don’t get nutty when things are off kilter now and then. Thanks Clare, you made me feel better :)
 
Liane,

You said, “I think lots of men are AFRAID that women will try to control them, due to anecdotal evidence, movies, cultural stereotypes, etc.” I think you hit the nail on the head here, and it’s sad that many men think all women are alike. On the other hand, I suppose it is sad as well that many women think all men are alike. You guys just reaffirmed my suspicions that they are not!

Thanks, Liane!
 
Beth, I am in totally agreement with what you said. I actually asked him if he might be feeling this way because his wife is having a tough time emotionally after giving birth. He said that in arguments, men try to rationalize and solve the problem while women try to express their feelings. Again, I don’t think this is always true. Women can be completely rational!
 
Thanks Dani; I think there must be good guys out there also. I think this guy is a pretty good guy, though, which is why I got nervous thinking- "Even good guys think this way?"
 
You are blessed, Rhonda. I think a lot of women here are. In fact, all of you on these boards kind of inspire me. Regarding fitness, of course you are inspiring. But regarding life and women in general, I think most women here really do a great job of representing how kind, intelligent, and rational women can be in their relationships.
 
Lori,

Loved this statement: “Then DH said, the stories kept going. All of the men started talking about how their SO get out of control and nag to no end at times. DH told them he very rarely has a problem at home. He said that when I am moody he just leaves the house and doesn't come home until I am in a good mood.”

Maybe the majority of locker room guys do have an issue with a nagging SO, but it doesn’t have to be that way, and it isn’t that way for everyone. Good for your hubby for saying so!
 
All men are different as are women, that’s the way it should be. There is someone for everyone. There are some women that are controlling in relationships just like there are men that way. The challenge is to find the person that is right for you.

I’m lucky I found the right women for me. We’ve been married over 30 years and it’s been perfect. Without her, I would be incomplete. We, over the years have worked out our place in our marriage. Yes there is some compromise, but anything that is great you have to work for. My wife is my best friend, and will have my heart forever.

Gina, the right man will think the world of you. He will want to love and care for you, as you should him. The right man will be happy when you are happy, sad when you are sad. When you have the right person, it is like you both become one, but your individuality should not be lost. Who you are now is what is going to attract the right man for you. If you try to shape your personality to fit what you believe is the right guy, he’s the wrong guy. Don’t try to change a guy, it won’t work. You wouldn’t like someone trying to change who you are.

Don’t be discourage, the right guy is looking for you too.

Bill
 
I almost went by without posting....

What I've noticed is that everyone is different, there is no stereotype.

However....

If you get a group of either sex together then the group becomes the stereotype because very few individuals will stand up to challenge the group. So a group of guys will collectively paint a stereotype of women as a group of women will paint a stereotype of men.

Its like the line from Men in Black

"A person is Smart but People are stupid"

Dave
 
Gina, like many others, I believe you can't paint all men with one brush, just like you can't paint all WOMEN with one brush. Some men are controlling and chafe at being "tied down" to one woman even if they do elect to marry; some men are easy-going; some men are kind of vapid; and some men are very violent (I work in the field of domestic violence crime prosecution, so believe me I've seen my share). And some women are very controlling, other women are easy-going, others in-between, etc.

My husband and I have what I consider a very balanced relationship. I've never detected any control issues between us; we make major and mid-range decisions together, and each of us has strengths and limitations that seem to balance each other off. We are also extremely compatible in the world-view department. He very much respects women, but reserves the right to despise crummy women - and the same with men.

There are plenty of selfish, hubris-laden men out there, AND there are plenty of good, solid men out there. Give yourself time to find out what's important for YOU in a life companion, AND give yourself time to become a good life companion, and I do believe the right person will cross your radar.

A-Jock
 
Gina,

Even though it makes things easier to categorize men by lumping them all in this or that type thinking, the truth is, they are all individuals. DH tells me he stayed single until we got married at 41 because he felt many of the women he dated "just wanted to find a man to take care of them emotionally and financially". His views are sometimes more feminist than mine. Most times, what a person experiences in their formative years shape their viewpoints. DH oldest sister was trained by their father as an Olympic level sharpshooter. He always says his sister could outshoot any man alive. Yet his mother was a homemaker who bore 6 children and never worked. But, his mother and father did have a partnership in raising the children. He says one of the things that drew him to me was that I was financially independent and voiced my opinion without fear of retribution from him. When we were dating we had many a conversation where I challenged his thinking on many things as he did mine. He compensates for my weaknesses and I do the same for him so our relationship works very, very well for us.

Hopefully you have made a mental list of what you are looking for in a partner. Keep your expectations high. Do not accept less than what you are looking for. There are many good men out there...
 
All men & women have faults. The bottom line is marriage is hard work & lots & lots of compromise.

Also, all men are different, unique individuals, just like women are. You can't apply one way of thinking to men in general.

If marriage is what you want out of life, you have to be willing to accept a man and all of his faults. What you have to decide is which faults you think you can live with. There is no such animal as the "perfect guy."

Personally, I'm not good at compromising, which is likely one of the main reasons why my marriage didn't work. Also I do have to be the boss, so I'm sticking w/dogs. :D
 
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