Help! Mom of a toddler at wits end!

Fit_mommy

Fit_mommy

Cathlete
Okay, so my 3.5 year old son's behavior has gone over the deep end lately and I don't know what to do anymore...

Examples...

The other day while I was bringing in groceries I noticed something under our coffee table. He had taken the tub of Smart Balance either off the counter (I had used it the night before) or out of the fridge and was apparently "up to no good" and must have tried to hide it so he wouldn't get caught. Needless to say by the time I found it, I had to throw it out and it was not even half used. :(

Today I walked into the living room to find that he had taken a scoop full of salt (for snow/ice we've been having lately) that was by the front door and poured it all over the couch and was dancing around with the scooper when I caught him! I about died!

Then of course there is the general disregard for authority. He doesn't want to listen to me anymore and the smart mouth/talking back is ridiculous!

He does not react to my reprimanding him unless I get very loud with him. When I try to talk to him calmly or with just a slightly raised voice it's almost as if he is laughing at me. He smiles and giggles and it just infuriates and frustrates me. I put him in time out but it doesn't seem to get the point across. He reacts better to my husband but I am tired of threatening daddy on him. I don't want to make daddy seem like the bad guy.

Does anyone have any helpful hints on how to handle this? PLEASE!?!?! :eek::confused::(
 
i know how you feel! his behavior is exactly like my nephew. i cannot get him to ever listen to me. i think its because i play with him so much that he thinks its a joke whenever i tell to stop doing something. i have to get his mom or my mother. putting him in time out is worthless. i will be so glad to hear anyones suggestions. maybe i'll let him see what i wrote

laura
 
Wendy~

(hugs)(hugs)(hugs)

I'm sorry the 3s have been so challenging for you. They say that the 3s are harder than the 2s....I have to agree!

All I can think of is prayer, and suggestions from playdate moms/dads.

You're a caring mom, it's obvious your heart is full of love for your monster. You'll get through this! Repeat after me, "I can woman! I can conquer this! Hear me roaaaaaarrrr!".......okay, now take a bubblebath & drink some red wine. :)
 
My kids are adults now so maybe my ideas are old school. I would take the item the child loves the most to do or play with and withhold it when he misbehaves. Timeout must be the most boring, yucky thing possible for him or it will not work. Sometimes timeout does not work for some kids. Did for one of mine and did not for the other.

Maybe have a box and every time he misbehaves he must choose one toy and it will then get donated to a children's hospital. He can then earn the toy back by behaving correctly for a set amount of time.

Have a chart on the fridge that he earns stars for daily good behavior and if he gets so many days in a row then he gets a nice treat/activity that he would want to earn.

Anyway, he must learn that he cannot disrespect you. Be consistant, be firm and be united with your husband. Good luck. I literally banged my head against the wall when raising my daughter.
 
It sounds like he has a lot of curious energy and may be too smart for his own good. My son who is four (and has always been a handful, 3 was harder than 2) is controllable if I can just direct that energy. It's when I get busy doing things andd ignore him is when he gets into trouble. I learned from his paternal grandmother who apparently raised 4 kids just like him, techniques to keep him busy and out of trouble, like making it a contest to see how many groceries he can help me carry in, help prepare food, how fast can he get dressed, etc. I make sure he has plenty of puzzles or something interesting to do for the times I when I have to do something he can't help me with.
 
I've found (so far) that making them undo (or fix) what they did seems to help. I would have had him clean up the butter, from whatever he had smudged it on, shake out his piggy bank and find the money for a new butter. And explain to him that those things cost money, and can't be wasted. I would also tell him that whatever trip he had expected to get something for himself for (bookstore, library, toy store) had now been cancelled because he can't respect others things and that you now have to make a special trip for butter and don't have time for the other place, or are using the special treat money for the new butter. With DS, taking away what he didn't yet have seemed to work better than taking away what he did have. because there were always a million other things to play with.

For the salt, I'd have made him vaccuum it up. He probably wouldn't have done the best job ever, but he may have disliked it enough to not do it again. DS never likes to clean up his own messes when they are caused by things he knows he shouldn't be doing.

Time outs never did us a diddly bit of good. However, "I'm dissapointed in you" always hit home hard. That one normally brings tears, so I have to be careful on that! Also, we are dessert eaters (he normally has fruit or raisins or a bit of yogurt - we don't do cake and ice cream nightly!) and he still eats a small bedtime snack. Taking those away really gets the point home and the he really knows he's in trouble. However. food or lack of treats I don't think is the best punishment, but we have used it and it works. Not saying I'm right on that one. Also, no TV/cartoons seems to work well.

We do try to find out why he did something. Normally the answer isn't "just to be bad" He will try to weasel out of telling us, but I tell him I will get more angry if I don't know why. Normally there's a good (to a kid) reason. And you can use it as a teaching example or find out he was just bored and looking for something to do. Mine was painting his toenails the other weekend. Why? To see what it looked like! But I also think bc DH and I were downstairs building the elliptical and he was bored and it was something to mess with. Kids do stupid things, we did stupid things when we were kids, too. Why? Because it seemed like a good thing to do at the time. Not because we were trying to be bad or make trouble, but because we were kids.

This morning DH got up to let the dog out and DS was on a chair in the kitchen fishing left over Xmas candy out of the candy bowl in the cabinet. He had a sucker and some cracker sticks and cheese. I told him if he's up before us and hungry then eat a granola bar or some OJ or fruit. He said he wasn't hungry, he just wanted some candy. He knew he wasn't supposed to do it, but figured he wasn't going to get caught. Once he gets caught trying to be sneaky with something once, he normally doesn't do it again.

Hang in there, you'll make it!!! And he is hearing and listening to you, you just don't know it yet.

Nan
 
It has been a long time since mine were small, but I remember that I would have to switch types of punishments as the children progressed in age.

I just googled "discipline for a 3 yr old" and "discipline for a 4 yr old". There are many hits out there, here are a few:

http://forums.families.com/discipline-for-4-year-old,t935

http://parents.berkeley.edu/advice/preschoolaged/discipline.html#4

There was also a book on amazon.com about strong willed children - had some good reviews.

Hope things get better for you soon ! ;)
 
{{{{{Wendy}}}}}

I don't have any advice -- I just wanted t give you a hug. Have you talked to your pediatrician about this? S/he might have a suggestion or two. ;)
 
My son will be 4 in March, and we have experienced some similar behavior issues. My son is normally a very sweet and very well-behaved child, but right around the 3.5 mark, the you-know-what really hit the fan with his behavior. All of his best friends moved to a new preschool class, while he stayed in the same class with SEVEN other boys and only one girl. Every single day he got a report of bad behavior, and I was so ashamed.


I'm not sure I have many suggestions, but I did want to say that it DOES pass. For us, it lasted a few months, but he seems to be back to him normal, sweet self now.
 
Start watching Super Nanny

Fit_mommy said:
Okay, so my 3.5 year old son's behavior has gone over the deep end lately and I don't know what to do anymore...

Examples...

The other day while I was bringing in groceries I noticed something under our coffee table. He had taken the tub of Smart Balance either off the counter (I had used it the night before) or out of the fridge and was apparently "up to no good" and must have tried to hide it so he wouldn't get caught. Needless to say by the time I found it, I had to throw it out and it was not even half used. :(

Today I walked into the living room to find that he had taken a scoop full of salt (for snow/ice we've been having lately) that was by the front door and poured it all over the couch and was dancing around with the scooper when I caught him! I about died!

Then of course there is the general disregard for authority. He doesn't want to listen to me anymore and the smart mouth/talking back is ridiculous!

He does not react to my reprimanding him unless I get very loud with him. When I try to talk to him calmly or with just a slightly raised voice it's almost as if he is laughing at me. He smiles and giggles and it just infuriates and frustrates me. I put him in time out but it doesn't seem to get the point across. He reacts better to my husband but I am tired of threatening daddy on him. I don't want to make daddy seem like the bad guy.

Does anyone have any helpful hints on how to handle this? PLEASE!?!?! :eek::confused::(
Click to expand...

Start DVR-ing Super Nanny Fridays on the ABC network - watch her & go out and do likewise!
 
Thanks for the feedback ladies. I am definitely going to jot down the suggestions and give them a try. I have nothing to lose at this point. I am really hoping this is temporary. He's never been this consistently unruly in the past. :eek:

Funny thing is that my son is well behaved in pre-school. I never get a report of bad behavior. His teachers adore him and talk him up CONSTANTLY! I am very happy about that. I just wish he would behave the same way at home of course.

Of course after a very trying day/night y'day, he got up to use the bathroom about a half hour ago and was sweet as could be and did exactly what he was supposed to do. No fooling around. No misbehaving. Just perfect angel behavior.

He has gotten especially loving and affectionate lately. My son is very smart. I think he is doing it on purpose because he knows he's behaving badly otherwise!

KIDS!:rolleyes:
 
Wendy,

I don't have any advice for you. My oldest boy (now 25) was very much like your boy. I kept behavior, chore, and incentive charts similar to super nanny. on our fridge. I talked with his pediatrician and that is what we came up with. It helped, but I had to keep on him all through grade school. He kept me on my toes! I had to work at it every single day. Made sure he stayed on task.

I want to offer you hope..... He was perfect all through his teens- adult. I'm not kidding. Even to this day, he will tell you that he didn't have his first alcoholic drink until he was 21. Never in trouble, hung out with a good crowd, always respectful to adults, and received excellent grades in school.
It has been my experience boys are challenging to deal with young and get easier as they mature.
So there is a rainbow at the end if you work at it now:)
 
Thanks Cynthia. Your post made me feel good. :)

Oh and btw, FWIW, I DID make DS clean up the mess he made with the salt yesterday. I gave him a plastic bag at first and made him pick up the pieces of salt by hand off the couch while I vaccuumed the little bit that was on the rug. After that I gave him the hand-vac and I helped him use that to finish the job. I don't know if it had any effect on him but he was sure complainin' about picking up the salt and putting it in the bag!

So far this morning he's been great...:)
 
I swear it has to be the age. Peyton has always been a handfull (he def has his mother's "spirited" personality!) but in the last few weeks he has turned outright unruly and defiant. It all came to a head last weekend and I blew a gasket. He lost all computer, tv, and wii. He had to earn each one back w/ a day of good behavior. It took him a week but he finally got them all back and things have been going better.

I think part of our issue is that it has been down right frigid here (single digit highs and negative windchills) so he hasn't been able to go outside and play. He is a high energy kid and not having ways to let that out has been part of it i'm sure. I cannot wait for summer and our ritual evening bike rides to the park!
 
Fit_mommy said:
Okay, so my 3.5 year old son's behavior has gone over the deep end lately and I don't know what to do anymore...

Examples...

The other day while I was bringing in groceries I noticed something under our coffee table. He had taken the tub of Smart Balance either off the counter (I had used it the night before) or out of the fridge and was apparently "up to no good" and must have tried to hide it so he wouldn't get caught. Needless to say by the time I found it, I had to throw it out and it was not even half used. :(

Today I walked into the living room to find that he had taken a scoop full of salt (for snow/ice we've been having lately) that was by the front door and poured it all over the couch and was dancing around with the scooper when I caught him! I about died!

Then of course there is the general disregard for authority. He doesn't want to listen to me anymore and the smart mouth/talking back is ridiculous!

He does not react to my reprimanding him unless I get very loud with him. When I try to talk to him calmly or with just a slightly raised voice it's almost as if he is laughing at me. He smiles and giggles and it just infuriates and frustrates me. I put him in time out but it doesn't seem to get the point across. He reacts better to my husband but I am tired of threatening daddy on him. I don't want to make daddy seem like the bad guy.

Does anyone have any helpful hints on how to handle this? PLEASE!?!?! :eek::confused::(
Click to expand...


I found that the Terrible Twos had nothing on 3. Don't threaten Daddy on him, you make him respect you. Try taking things away from him (a favorite toy) as punishment. This still works with my 8 year old. And make sure you give him praise when he's being good.
 
My daughter is going to be two next month and is starting to be a handful. She is just curious by nature and very active. I am not looking forward to the three's. Your post about the salt on the couch made me picture my daughter doing the same thing and I got a little laugh out of it (Sorry) because that will something she will do I am sure.
 
Thanks for the continued responses. :)

I have tried taking things away from him (everything from tv, to toys, to dessert) but that only works once in a while. He was misbehaving about a week ago so I took away his portable dvd player that he likes to watch his movies on. It had no affect on him. He hasn't even questioned where it is even though I know he really likes it!? :confused:

DH keeps telling him that he is going to buy him a specific game for the Wii that he had played somewhere else and really liked but not until he begins behaving better. Who knows if that'll sink in and cause a change or not. It's only been a couple of days so far.

I don't like to threaten Daddy on him and try to avoid it but when nothing else is working and I am grasping at straws I will use it.

Last night he was not on his best behavior and he asked me if he could do some specific thing (I forget what at this point). I told him that first he had to sit quietly in the living room for 15 minutes with out getting into trouble and that if he was able to do that he would be allowed to do whatever it was he had asked about. He managed to stay out of trouble and got his "reward" for his good behavior.
 
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