Thinking about having another baby

R

runathon

Cathlete
We had previously decided that our last baby, born 17 months ago, was our last one...you know the shpiel: maternity clothes, crazy undergarments:+, lack of sleep, labor(!), financial considerations, age, getting back in shape, work, my other 3 children, cleaning, cooking, daycare, private schooling....girl/boy, etc.

I know a lot of you have been through this situation before and I would like to know what you went through when considering a next child and what decision you made in the end.


Blessings from our home to yours...Runathon
 
Hi Runathon!!

I know you are looking for advice, but I'm only working on baby number two, so I can't even begin to imagine contemplating number 4. You've got my admiration.

I've got a 19-month-old son and I'm expecting another little boy in two months. How close are yours in age? What can I expect when this one arrives. Any tips?

I wish you the best in your decision making process. Like I said, I really can't offer any guidance...except to follow your heart.

Personally, this baby will definitely complete our family. Two and through has been our motto since we discussed having babies and we feel so blessed.
 
RE: Hi Runathon!!

Hi, thats an easy one for me to anwer. I am pregnant with my 4th and our 3rd was supposed to be our last one. My entire third pregancy DH and I kept saying "This is it, the last one". When he was 2 or 3 months old the baby bug bit us again and we were shocked. So to answer your question is simple for me:

We followed our heart.

Yup, it was that simple for us. I'm due in early December and this baby will only be 17 months apart from my 3rd baby and DH and I are THRILLED and can't wait. Our older two also are excited.

Its an individual thing. Ultimately its something you and your DH will figure out. I believe if its right, you and your DH will know it.

Good luck in your decision.

Marci
 
RE: Hi Runathon!!

Letswork, I feel that I can handle my three children just right. But then again, I am a "take-charge" type person and can handle "20" things at once. LOL :)

My children are 7, 6 and 17 months old. I have a great routine in the mornings and at night like this: Hubby picks up from school and babysitter; get home; take shower; (I get in by 6:00 pm) I cook and organize; they do homework or at least get their stuff in the office; we all eat; hubby bathes baby and we clean up kitchen; hubby puts baby to sleep; children wash teeth; children get in office to do homework; hubby and/or I supervise homework; they go to sleep by 9:00 pm; I ready my stuff for next day, including workouts in the very early a.m.; I get ready; we all go to bed at about 9:30 p.m.

How does that sound? :+

I believe I could manage another baby.

However, I am not jumping into anything right now and am considering it for next year, IF, at all.

I just see my baby's face and how cute he is and how I just looooove my blessings (children) and can't help wanting another one.

BTW, I work full time and some of the people at work think I am crazy...but, then again, I have still to find someone like me and my intensity for my hubby, children, church, homelife, exercise and life! Why am I so alone out there regarding the foregoing????? he he he }( }( }( }(



Blessings from our home to yours...Runathon
 
RE: Hi Runathon!!

Marci, you and I had the same dilema way back when we spoke about having another baby right after we gave birth to the "last one!" Remember me????

I am not even pushing my husband on this. I just told him that we needed to talk about it seriously and left it at that. I am the one trying to "solve" this in my mind before I approach him further. (Great strategy...don't you think?)

I feel right about it, but he does not. Sooooo, I have to let it "sink" in. If both of us do not wholeheartedly agree on this, it will not be done. So right now, I am just praying and trying to find the "peace that surpasses all understanding" about this decision.

I sure am glad that I am not in a hurry! I am still not back in shape after my last baby. I need to lose another 10 lbs. Oh, well. :p

Nice to hear from you again, Marci!

Thanks for your advice.

Blessings from our home to yours...Runathon
 
RE: Hi Runathon!!

Hi guys! I have 5 children, 4 at home now and I have the same energy as you runathon! I love children, and I would have kept having them if my husband wasn't 8 years older. However, something to consider. When children are young, it is easier to have control over your household, no matter how many there are. I am finding the stress level has risen considerably now that they are teen and preteen. My children are really great kids, but with all the different activities, giving them the attention they need when they need it (not when they don't want it!), and getting them through puberty has been challenging. I still love having a large family, but it is something to take in consideration.

Jackie
 
RE: Hi Runathon!!

Yes, I do remember! I had forgotten about that when I posted my first reply but when I read your response to it I totally remember that! I think you are very smart to make sure it is something you both want. DH and I joke around that if we were logical and thought about all the practical/finacial issues we would have zero kids. I hope you and your DH come up with a solution you are both happy with.

Its so funny because with my 3rd DH and I were POSITIVE he was our last and that we would have no desire for another one.

Marci
 
CMORONEY AND BRIEE...YOHOOO, I NEED YOU....

Okay guys, what are your thoughts on this question:

My older children are 6 and 7, so they are growing together.

Now, my baby is 17 months, growing alone...well, you know what I mean.:p

Soooo, my thought is that I would like him to also have a sibling to be a "friend" and to grow up with when the other two are too consummed with themselves and their friends, and other interests when they hit 10 years and above. I don't want my baby to be the "pest," so to speak.

What do you think? This question especially goes to those moms out there with 3, 4 or more children out there....CMORONEY...., BRIEE....and others, whose names I cannot recall for the life of me right now, sorry!.......I need you to chime in with your expert advice and experience....

Thanks!

Blessings from our home to yours...Runathon
 
RE: CMORONEY AND BRIEE...YOHOOO, I NEED YOU....

Just got your email Runathon.....this is one I sometimes stay out of because there is a lot of personal conviction involved. Every person has to do what is right based on their convictions, but I'm starting from the basis that you are a Christian. From there I would encourage you to do a study of the scriptures and what the Bible says about having children - cool study! I won't sway you one way or another on this topic, in other words, do your own search (although I can give some verses in reference to this). There is an excellent book out there called "Full Quiver". Get it from interlibrary loan if need be, just to give you one biblical perspective.

From personal experience I've learned that God's plans are far better and greatly exceed my own in every area of life. It hasn't been until I let go and let God choose the plan that he has greatly blessed. That being said, we have allowed him to plan our family, not always what "I HAD IN MIND!!, MIND YOU", but I know it's part of His plan. So I can go into great lengths trying to decide whether one child should be closely spaced or should we wait another year, or is this time better than that time, or when will it be convenient (which I have to point out...babies are never convenient, except when needing an excuse to get up and leave....etc...). So you can do your best to try to plan, but God still knows what is best and it is in his power to bless you with another or not.

So, is this what you were asking for? Probably not, but you did ask. As for whether or not we are wanting more children, my answer is no, after this one, I'd be more than happy to quit, as I'm waiting for the day when our family can all go snow skiing together or on wilderness vacations without having a baby along, etc..... But we are letting the Lord plan this.

Another thing I should add is that your husbands views are of utmost importance. The above view is my husband's view, but if your husband is not of this conviction than I would encourage you to pray for God to lead your husband in this matter. I will pray for you as you decide all this, as it is a big decision. I'm sorry to have gone into a long post here, I'd be interested to see what Cheryl has to say. I also realize there are many others who would be appalled at this.....oh well....they don't like me waterskiing while pregnant either. We've never been "in the norm".

There are hundreds of very important people out there that were baby number 6-14 that would have not had the chance to alter history had they not been born, just another thought.

And to wrap this up.......a really good reason to get pregnant again is so you can participate in our pregnancy workout check in which is a "really happening" post to be a part of....you too can debate just how "pregnant" you really are 1 month, 2 months, 3 months....etc (see our current post!!!! be there be square!!

Briee (the intensely long winded)
 
RE: CMORONEY AND BRIEE...YOHOOO, I NEED YOU....

I can't give you any advice, but I do understand where you are coming from and have dealt (deal) with the same dilema. I have a 14,16 and 2 year old. I have vasilated about having another child for about a year. I came up pregnant a few weeks ago,but miscarried. Now, I was shocked because we had decided not to have another child. Now, I am confused. I was pregnant just long enough to start to get over the shock and then become a bit excited about the future. The miscarriage scared me. I am trying to understand why God has chosen to work this way in our lives. My hubby says I think too much. I would have loved for our little Hope, my two year old, to have a brother or a sister to play with. Hope has added so much to all our lives. We all love her so much. I can' imagine our family without her. I know if I was younger I would have another child in a heartbeat. I just worry so much about the complications of being pregnant at my age, and don't know if I have the faith, or the nerve to try it again.
God Bless you in your decision!
 
RE: CMORONEY AND BRIEE...YOHOOO, I NEED YOU....

This is pretty short. It's all I can say...If you're meant to have another baby, you will get pregnant again.

Hopefull, I am so sorry about your miscarriage. Just stay strong and grieve. Don't think too much like your husband says. That baby wasn't meant to be. When it's meant to be, it will happen. God will make it happen.
 
RE: CMORONEY AND BRIEE...YOHOOO, I NEED YOU....

Dear Runathon,
We are expecting baby number 5 and have much the same view about things as Briee.

Before I became a christian, I had no desire at all for children, so it is amazing to me how the Lord has changed my heart in this manner. And I believe that not only we are blessed, but our whole extended family is. My husband's brother and sister are almost sure not to have any children, so on his side of the family, our little ones bring a lot of joy to the older generations. And the same goes for my extended family. Besides our children and my brother's two, there are no children. The family is "top heavy", so to speak and again, the children bring so much joy to my 94 year old grandfather and my childless aunts and uncles. I realize that I am rambling, but I pray that if my husband and I live to see old age, that we will be surrounded by grand children and great grand children.

Another thought--we really have never been in a position to "afford" so many children and yet we have always been provided for. College funds? not going to happen unless the Lord really turns our financial situation around, but we homeschool and a few of the things we stress are a personal relationship with the Lord, academic excellence, diligence, and hard work. Our kids are already learning that they will have to work hard and rely on the Lord in whatever it is He calls them to do.

These thoughts are just personal convictions based on our study and understanding of the bible and I certainly don't push them on anyone, so please--no flames.

So I really don't have much advice except to second what Briee said about what scripture says about children--it is an interesting study.
There is a lot more I could say regarding our personal experiance, but getting my thoughts down in writing is somewhat hard for me.

I will pray for you as you and your husband make this decision.

Maggie
due 1 week and 5 days and really sick and tired of being pregnant.
 
RE: CMORONEY AND BRIEE...YOHOOO, I NEED YOU....

Hopeful, I want to add too that I am so very sorry to hear about your miscarriage. Trust the Lord...He has a plan for all of this that is far beyond what we can see, which is basically what trust is.....and He can be trusted 100%.

And second of all, you all totally BLESSED MY SOCKS OFF. It was with great fear that I checked email this morning as I had dreams last night of being flamed for even responding to this. I kept thinking....I should have just emailed Runathon privately etc... (and I have to admit I would not have responded if Runathon had not emailed me asking me to respond). I have to say again Cathe is such a wonderfully supportive Forum which has a multitude of viewpoints and kind people who express them without the fears of the torch. And Maggie....you are wonderful at getting your thoughts down, much better than I am - I just can't wait until your baby is born!!

Briee
 
RE: CMORONEY AND BRIEE...YOHOOO, I NEED YOU....

Hi everyone! I just love you guys! Yes, we are Christians...very much like Briee and MSJ and a lot of you out there. The Lord has certainly provided for us in accordance to His riches and glory....:p

Because I have the peace of the Lord, I have not even approached my hubby about this since last week. The next day after asking him to seriously consider it, I opened up my Bible and voila! there it was!! My "Peace" and favorite scripture. Go check it out at Philippians 4:4,5,6, 7, 14 (I think) and 19.

Briee and MSJ: I loved your long posts. They were very inspiring and certainly what I needed to "hear" since I posted the question. I am sure others outthere have gotten good things out of it. Thank you sooooo very much!

In my mind, I am preparing my body for another pregnancy, but just to myself. I don't say anything to anyone, not even hubby. I am letting the Lord work in him, if it is in His will.

A bit about why I do this: We had always wanted to adopt from China and I kept hearing about it on the radio one particular week, but decided that if it was to be my hubby would talk to me about it without my approaching him. Well, guess what? Talk about "let go and let God," :p :p :p he comes in one day and tells me that they are talking on the radio about Chinesse adoption and asks me to find out about it! Well, 10 weeks later we are logged in (DTC) in China for our referral and 10 months later we are in China picking up our little girl, who was then 4.10 years old. We now have a 6.11 (7 in September) year old daughter! God is indeed good!

Love talking to you!

Definitely, <><....Blessings from our home to yours...Runathon
 
just wanted to jump in here :D

I have to tell everyone that I am always amazed at the Cathe forums. It seems that whatever topic I have on my mind, someone else out there is having the same thoughts, and I always find such great advice.

I am "battling" right now with Baby #3. My son is 5 today, my daughter will be 2 in November. Initially my husband and I were both ready to have another and after some thought we decided that maybe #3 wasn't such a great idea. It really boils down to finances and the fact that, although I need to work at least part time, I absolutely will not put a baby (read newborn) in daycare. I was actually three-weeks late this month and while I was relieved to finally get my period, part of me was just hoping that this was God's plan and I was in fact pregnant.

Last night I talked (IM'd) to a friend that I had lost touch with for a while and was very surprised to find out that she had just had #3 two months ago. And now I'm really thinking that I want another!!! I haven't said a word (yet) to my hubby, and I'm secretly hoping that he'll be the one to bring up the topic.

I'm 34 and while I know that's not old, I was just curious how old some of you are contemplating more children.

Sorry for rambling! And thanks to all the great words out there!
 
RE: just wanted to jump in here :D

Michele S....."nice" to know that I am not alone in this! he he he....

I am 36 right now...let me know what you decide!

My babies go to daycare at a lady's home when they are 3 months old. At that time, I feel they are a little bit "hard." :p

However, if we do decide to have another baby, he/she would go to the lady's home at 2 months or so *(unless we use our home equity line for the expenses - which is an option) because I would have to get right back to work.

Blessings from our home to yours...Runathon
 
RE: CMORONEY AND BRIEE...YOHOOO, I NEED YOU....

Briee,
I was afraid to come on the boards too because I thought that I might have unintentionally offended someone. But I am always amazed at how nice everyone is here. I don't even really talk about this topic at our church (unless directly asked) because people have really taken offence. And I thought that you made your point extremely well and with a lot of courage. I probably would not have shared if you had not done so first.

Runathon--I think that the position you are taking with your husband is the right way to go. Sometimes(actually too often)I have a tendancy to be the Holy Spirit for my husband instead of praying and waiting on the Lord. Your quiet and gentle spirit will be blessed.
Keep us posted.

Maggie
due in 1 week and 3 days (and if I am late I think I might just lose my mindx( :p )
 
RE: CMORONEY AND BRIEE...YOHOOO, I NEED YOU....

I am 33 1/2. To my surprise I went to the ER in pain and found out I was pregnant. It turned out to be ectopic and I lost a fallopian tube. Me and dh were done so that was suprising to us. Well dh wanted another one but I was scared to have one. I was on birth control too. Went off of it briefly but went back on. Anyway, I have 3 kids and have really been thinking of another one ever since my episode 3 weeks ago. I figured if I get pregnant with endometrosis, tilted uterus and one fallopian tube it must be meant to be....My baby is 4 1/2 yrs old so a baby would be great!
MIchelle
 
RE: CMORONEY AND BRIEE...YOHOOO, I NEED YOU....

Sorry to hear about your ER situation. :-(

Soooo, are you now REALLY considering another baby?

My hubby is thinking about it and asked me if I had considered adopting a toddler since we have adopted before. I have been considering it and I still think I would try to conceive first. Just a little update on what's happening over here with the "baby" situation. :7

Blessings from our home to yours...Runathon
 
RE: CMORONEY AND BRIEE...YOHOOO, I NEED YOU....

GOod luck in whatever you decided=)

Put it this way I am not doing anything to prevent pregnancy. LOL
Michelle
 
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