This is way off topic..but I need some advice..

S

seabeeswife

Cathlete
This is the first deployment I have attempted to do on my own and it has been alot harder than I expected. Usually I go back to our hometown and stay with his family while he is away and for some reason I thought it would be good for me to stick this one out on my own. I guess I felt like torturing myself}( I have never experienced loneliness like this before..not having anyone around you that cares about you is the hardest thing I have ever had to live with. Deployments are hard enough..but when you are alone..its brutal. DH and I will be getting out of the miltary in December of this year..which means this is only temporary for me..but when I think about having to go through another 6 months alone..it just feels like forever. The only thing that has kept me here is pride..my sister and some of my family back home had a bet going to see how long I could tough it out. My goal was to prove everyone wrong..but now I am thinking why be miserable when I don't have to be just to prove a point.
I am in need of advice..any advice would be greatly appreciated. Should I stay or should I go?
 
I was in the Navy for 10 years (got out in 94) I understand your loneliness. I think the best thing you can do is to occupy your time. When I was on deployment, my husband was at home. He spent time writing letters (which I absolutely loved!) and taping himself talking to me on tape cassette (romantic). He spent his time working on the house, practicing his guitar...
I guess what I am saying to you is that it is hard and I understand. Do you have any hobbies that will keep you occupied? When I was on deployment, I worked on reading and embroidery.

Good luck to you and if you need some more words of encouragement, I am sure that everybody here will give you plenty!
Take Care!
Melissa
Paragonah, Utah;-)
 
Stay! You will have hard times and you will want to bail, but going through it and succeeding will make you a different person. It is very hard to go away and be deployed as a soldier but it is also very hard to stay "home" and live life there with a void. Not a lot of people truly understand that. So even if your family is only goofing on you, they should stop to think about how difficult it would be to live life with one member of their family. You can do it and you will be stronger and wiser in the end.

Suggestions....You might even find a new hobby, get a different job, do house projects, go to school, volunteer or do something to keep yourself occupied that will help you too. You also might want to gert involved at his unit in the family portion to stay abreast of info. It will also help you meet others in the same situation and you can build some support that way.

My only caution to this is to hide any problems you are having from your soldier. You don't want him worrying about you while he is out there doing his job. Sometimes it is hard but it is necessary.

I just went through a 16 month deployment (he's a reservist but they got a raw deal) and trust me, there were tough times. In the end, I was glad that I did it alone with "phone help" from a couple of very good friends. He came home to many different things on our home (ie wallpaper, etc.) and I could say that I held down the fort while he was gone. I also made some great military friends while he was gone and we all helped each other get through. It was not easy but we did it!

If you ever want to talk, you can email me at [email protected] Good luck!

Christine
 
I send him a little something everyday..which does help. My job keeps my occupied until 6 pm..then it's Cathe..then bed. I do try to keep myself busy..it's just hard staying put when I know how much easier it was on me with the support of family and friends. Also, this deployment has been one we have never experienced together. He is usually stationed in areas where I really don't have to worry about his safety..but with where he is now..I can't even turn on the television or read the paper anymore.

Thank you for your advice and for your service:) Your DH sounds like a sweetheart:)
 
Christine..thank you:) He has no idea how hard this has been on me..that has got to be the first rule of a military wife..he has got more than enough to worry about right now and I don't want him to lose focus for even a second.
I think my main problem is this job..I am miserable here..I think if I give it up and volunteer my time on base I will feel more fulfilled and less lonely.
 
Try to think about what would bring you happiness and a sense of fulfillment. And then do it. If someone is bringing you down or something is bothering you or hurting your success, cut it out of your life. I know that sounds harsh, but you need to focus on you more right now and others will have to understand.

When BF was deployed, I was recovering from an injury and the extra time let me focus on workouts and recovery. He came home to a brand new me! I also did different projects around the house. His daughter and I did lots of projects that we sent to him to cheer him up too. Anything that would bring smiles is what I did. And if being alone in the house was making me upset on a given day or night, I woudl either call someone and honestly say "I am going nuts, will you go out for a while with me?" or I would run out and find something to do in public.

If your job makes you unhappy, you ought to leave anyway! So use this opportunity to find or train for something new. And if anyone in your life is not being positive or helping, then cut them out for a while. I had a friend that I ended up talking to much less often b/c she just was so negative and not supportive and in the time you are going through right now, you need only supportive people.

Again, write any time you need and keep your chin up!

Christine
 
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