Relationships ending, blame and why is it always "me"

RE: Relationships ending, blame and why is it always

Forget him Wayne. He's poison. I know it's hard, but you know the truth & you know who's lying. That's all that matters really, & it WILL get easier.

Frankly, he sounds like the kind of guy who doesn't even know what love is, let alone know how to love.

You deserve far better.

Take care,
Ruth
 
RE: Relationships ending, blame and why is it always

Wayne, I have found human beings are capable of rationalizing anything if they try hard enough. This guy sounds like he's got issues, can't handle them, and has tried to put this on you because it's easier to blame someone else than face his own fears. If your heart is clear, then you know you have no blame in this. You are only responsible for your own behavior - not his. Try to find a way to heal the hurt and move past him. I agree with your mum and your friends. Put this nutcase out of your life for good. I know it hurts, but it sounds like he has more on his plate than you should have to try and handle.

Carol
:)
 
RE: Relationships ending, blame and why is it always

Wayne,

Carol gives you good advice.

I know it doesn't feel like it now, but you ARE better off without him. From what you said, he has been distructive from the beginning, without thought to you or your feelings! You deserve someone who gives you the best of themselves in all areas of life, sexually, emotionally, and spiritally! It sounds like he was giving you the worst in all those, not just sexually.

Obviously he has some appealing qualities (otherwise you wouldn't have been with him.) But to me his actions (now and in the past) show that he has let the negative aspects of himself overpower the positive. Only he is responsible for that!

As Carol said, he is poison! The man has so much baggage that he needs 18 porters to help him carry it all down the street!

Take care, and remember you DO have people who love you in your life, there at home AND here in Cyber-space!

Nadine

~~Happiness is an Attitude~~
 
RE: Relationships ending, blame and why is it always

When everything in your wants to scream. When everything in you wants to shout, cry and yell at the top of your voice. When the injustice of the situation is so terribly wrong. When everything in you wants to send back abusive, nasty texts, e-mails, letters, etc… It’s hard guys.

Clip from an e-mail he sent me yesterday...

"When i see you kissing. i mean kissing not pecking her in minskys (a night club). Not a one off but for at least 7 or more times in a 45min timeframe. (yes you were watched for that period before i came over to you) am i to believe that this is a: not breaking a commitment we had (we should not kiss others) and b: that since this woman provides clear signals that you are wanted by her which is evident to both me, you and her ex bf (who also struggled with the same issue and struggled with you, which i can understand) - am i to believe that you yourself are not bisexual or you yourself do not court the affection of a woman and provide clear signals to her ie. tongues that you may be interested?"

Now…here is the truth. Yes I was out with Olivia that night. Yes we kissed. On the cheek. A peck. She is my best friend, I’ve known her forever. We danced, laugh a lot and have fun. I did not kiss her that night. Not even once the way it was stated. And to make matters worse. I actually saw him come in the club, so how he was “watching” for 45 minutes is beyond me. Now I don’t know about you but if I saw my boyfriend or wife, or whatever, kissing another man I would be right over to break it up. I wouldn’t just stand and watch!

This is what he does. Takes something that he cannot deal with (Olivia and I liking each other – because of his jealousy) and then twists the truth until it’s ugly and an outright lie and it’s me that brings him down. And this was one of the nice things he said.

It hurts so much guys. So, so much. I assume I’ll see him out tomorrow night (me and Olivia are going out). It will be upsetting. It will be hard. It will take all my energy not to go up to him and say something. But I guess that won’t change anything. And will only bring me down.
 
RE: Relationships ending, blame and why is it always

>When everything in your wants to scream. When everything in
>you wants to shout, cry and yell at the top of your voice.
>When the injustice of the situation is so terribly wrong. When
>everything in you wants to send back abusive, nasty texts,
>e-mails, letters, etc… It’s hard guys.
>
>Clip from an e-mail he sent me yesterday...
>
>"When i see you kissing. i mean kissing not pecking her in
>minskys (a night club). Not a one off but for at least 7 or
>more times in a 45min timeframe. (yes you were watched for
>that period before i came over to you) am i to believe that
>this is a: not breaking a commitment we had (we should not
>kiss others) and b: that since this woman provides clear
>signals that you are wanted by her which is evident to both
>me, you and her ex bf (who also struggled with the same issue
>and struggled with you, which i can understand) - am i to
>believe that you yourself are not bisexual or you yourself do
>not court the affection of a woman and provide clear signals
>to her ie. tongues that you may be interested?"
>
>Now…here is the truth. Yes I was out with Olivia that night.
>Yes we kissed. On the cheek. A peck. She is my best friend,
>I’ve known her forever. We danced, laugh a lot and have fun. I
>did not kiss her that night. Not even once the way it was
>stated. And to make matters worse. I actually saw him come in
>the club, so how he was “watching” for 45 minutes is beyond
>me. Now I don’t know about you but if I saw my boyfriend or
>wife, or whatever, kissing another man I would be right over
>to break it up. I wouldn’t just stand and watch!
>
>This is what he does. Takes something that he cannot deal with
>(Olivia and I liking each other – because of his jealousy) and
>then twists the truth until it’s ugly and an outright lie and
>it’s me that brings him down. And this was one of the nice
>things he said.
>
>It hurts so much guys. So, so much. I assume I’ll see him out
>tomorrow night (me and Olivia are going out). It will be
>upsetting. It will be hard. It will take all my energy not to
>go up to him and say something. But I guess that won’t change
>anything. And will only bring me down.
>


Wow! There are some real issues here dude. Maybe you and Olivia ought to stay home and watch a movie this weekend instead. And for crying out loud....delete emails and other messages from him. If it's over, then there's no need to hear from the guy.
 
RE: Relationships ending, blame and why is it always

Wayne - get this guy out of your life! It is so hard and painful now - but somehow you need to forget him. Don't go to bars or hangouts where he may be. Go to new bars/restaurants in a different area of town. Join a new club - get new circle of friends - anything to get this fellow out of your life. He has serious issues and is emotionally unbalanced! Holy cow - a peck on the cheek turns into a sexual thing?!? That's nuts. You deserve better. the problem is - it will take time to heal this wound. In three months you'll look back at this and see things more clearly and realize how he twisted your mind around and manipulated your thinking.

We've all been in screwed up relationships before and we all know that the only way to get over them is to move on and up. I'm serious - change your email, your phone number and even move if you have to - no way he should be dropping by your home or stalking you through emails all the time. good luck
 
RE: Relationships ending, blame and why is it always

Hi Wayne,
My heart aches for you, I can't imagine what you are going through. This guy is the perfect example of a toxic person. STAY AWAY from him. Also, I don't know why you feel you had to explain why you were kissing Olivia. So What! It is none of his business and you don't need to justify it to him or any of us. Do not let this guy drag you down and make you feel the least bit guilty for hanging out with a friend.

I do agree that you and Olivia should go to a movie or somewhere where he won't be. Your emotions are way too strong right now for you to have to see him. Think about it Wayne - the only thing it would do is ruin your night, weekend, etc. I know it's tough and there are probably 1000's of things you would like to say to him. Unfortunately, if you do talk to him you will only wind up getting more angry because I really don't believe that this guy is rational enough to have a conversation with and he will just hurt you more than he already has.

Just know we're here when you need us.

Sending love and hugs, Wendy
 
RE: Relationships ending, blame and why is it always

Please correct me if Im wrong - or Ive totally got the wrong end of the stick here, but isnt harasment (and to me this behaviour is) against the law of some sort? Id be very worried if I was constanly e-mailed and phoned by someone I didnt want anything to do with. Perhaps you need to think about reporting his behaviour. Thats my two cents worth anyway:)
 
RE: Relationships ending, blame and why is it always

No, it is not harassment. He's bothering Wayne to make him feel like sh*t but it's not harassment. Not yet anyway. Wayne, please get over him. Why would you want to be with someone who's a male slut anyway? Just forget him and move on,please.
 
RE: Relationships ending, blame and why is it always

If its not harassment, then its getting pretty close to it! and when is the line crossed?

Look at whats been happening, and Wayne, I dont mean to write you as a third person.

These are Waynes words:

1- strings of ugly, nasty, abusive texts messages
2- 4 page e-mail stating personal information and forwarding it to Waynes friends
3- Texting lies to Waynes friends
4- Constant phone calls at all hours, and an uninvited visit to Waynes home

I agree, this guys a sh*t and gets his jollies from making Wayne feel sh*t but I still feel Wayne should keep all e-mails, letters and anything eles on this guy - just incase. Just my opinion and thoughts

:)
 
RE: Relationships ending, blame and why is it always

Olivia I and made plans a while ago, so were still going out. If we see him then will just move to a different bar. I will not speak to him, or acknowledge him. Yesterday i received a text saying "I'm sorry i let you down. I hope you're ok and you are missed x". Now i was going to reply (and i almost did). What stopped me? That stupid letter he sent. Knowing full well is was over he still tired to end it. Pathetic. And that is why i didn't respond. Anything i say will have only played into his lie, ie - if i said "i'm hurting, you hurt me" i would have appeared that his letter was was true and that he dumped me. And i will not play into this lie. He knows the truth and i and my friend have the e-mails. Though it still tears me up inside, and i hurt, i haven't respondid.

Thank you all for your help and support. I appreciate it. Thank you. I will update you all tomorrow.

xxx
 
RE: Relationships ending, blame and why is it always

I agree these things are probably, technically, included in the formal definition of harassment. Especially the visitation at Wayne's house. If that kept up I'd get the police involved. The other stuff is fairly minor in the big scheme of things. Ignorant and mean, but still, in my opinion, not enough to go running to the police or to a lawyer. Everybody's doing that nowadays and it's why things cost so much and lawyers are feeding off of it. See the healthcare industry. You might htink I am not making the right comparison but it all comes back to the initial "I got my feelings hurt, I think I'll get the authorities involved", thinking that alot of people over-use.
Wayne, I truly am sorry you are going through this. Personally, if he kept up I'd kick his ass or pay someone to kick his ass. People's manners improve dramatically when you play that card.
Good luck!
T.
 
RE: Relationships ending, blame and why is it always

I received another text today, saying "thank you for being there for me during my dark times, i really appreicate it x".

I haven't respondid.

It's a shame he didn't remember that while he was e-mailing me and my friend that e-mail, and sending those nasty texts, etc...

Anything i say in text form will only back up his "fictional" breakup with me and i don't want to do that. The injustice still hurts me, the mistruths still hurt me, and i think, what will really hurt me most is when i see him or when the texts (from him) finally stop. I know that sounds crazy, and i know that it will never work, ever, but it is very lonely. The space and time i have, minutes feel like hours, etc... still, its time to get drunk tonight (doesn't hurt once in a while) and laugh and dance with my friend. Lets just hope i can keep my tongue out of her mouth! Sigh...
 
RE: Relationships ending, blame and why is it always

Wayne, sometimes going out with a good friend and getting drunk is EXACTLY the answer. (Please don't read anything into this, folks!! Just a little friendly support going on here!!) The quip about keeping your tongue out of her mouth was FUNNY!! Nice to see you have your sense of humor intact. I think if one still has one's sense of humor, things are on the upswing again. Hang in there. This too shall pass, as my very wise grandmother always said to me. Then there's always Trevor's suggestion of kicking his ass, or paying someone to - LOL!!

Carol
:)
 
RE: Relationships ending, blame and why is it always

Went out and i didn't see him. That does not mean that he didn't see me or that he wasn't there, but we never came across him with our own eyes. Actually, sad as it is, i'm disappointed. Pathetic isn't it. I have not received any more texts from him. It is very quiet, very lonely and very sad.

My friend was flirting very much last night with me (on purpose!) as she thought the whole thing was pathetic (as she knows me) and knows we didn't kiss, so she thought it would be fun flirting around me all night long (this folks, did not happen on the night that i was supposed to of kissed her).

It wasn't the best night. I was tired. Not in the best of moods. But i laughed alot with her. I have a feeling that i won't get a text today, and it will be a very long day. It still really hurts inside. I also know that its over with and that i must move on, but it's hard. The thought of what he's said and done, the thought of the injustice and the thought of him with someone else all hurt me deeply. I guess i'm just sad at the moment.

Thank you all for your support.

Thank you.

xxx
 
RE: Relationships ending, blame and why is it always

Hi Wayne...I'm sorry you're hurting...it sucks when someone we thought we knew turns out to be someone different...sigh...that said...this guy is just, as they say, "no good" and you're much better off without him. I know it hurts like crazy now, but the old saying that "time heals all" really is so true. Big hugs to you. :)
 
RE: Relationships ending, blame and why is it always

Hi everyone.

We met up today. I needed to to sort out things. We spoke. He said "sorry" i said "sorry", etc...though i don't buy it all (the letter, his saying he saw me kissing, open mouth style, etc...) it was good to do it face to face.

I feel sad and a bit lonely and i know this will get better in time, but it still hurts right now. I feel very alone.

Thank you all for hearing me and giving me adivce and support. I really needed it. Thank you.

xxx
 
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