Now, I need to vent......

L

lorihart

Cathlete
Hi everyone,
I am not as impatient as I was yesterday but this is the situation.
I have had my brother and my dad living with me off and on over the last 2-3 years.Even when I lived in a basement appt. with no room they stayed with me.Then they lived with me for part of the summer and now they are back again.But this is there last week(I think).My family lives about 1 hour and 30 min away from me and they come into town to work.They pay me $40 a week each.Which I am sure doesn't cover the cost of much.
DOn't get me wrong.I love my family dearly and wouldn't want them to stay anywhere else but this is just some of the things that bother me lately:
1.My brother torments my daughter and she starts screaming.
2.everytime he comes into the house he rings the doorbell, to try and get the dog to bark.
3.My dad burps very loudly when I am on the phone(or anytime for that matter) and the person who is on the other end can hear it.(very embrassing)
4.He takes up the bathroom forever it seems.
5.They use my phone ,when I have to pay for the long distance charges.The plan was that their wives should phone them.My phone bill this month was $170.
6.They eat my halloween treats I have bought.
7.I go to get a yogurt and they are all gone, and other things,
8.After I clean the bathroom they come home and then there is water all over the sink.
9.they leave mugs lying around and plates.
This is just some of the things right off the top of my head.Having them stay here as it's advantages to.I have live in babysitters if I want to go anywhere.I think yesterday things were just getting to me for some reason.
I feel bad complaining about them but I had to get it off my chest.
Thanks for listening.
Lori
 
First of all, how old is your daughter? Whatever else you may be willing to live with, tormenting your daughter, no matter what her age, is UNACCEPTABLE and you should make it clear that it WILL NOT BE TOLERATED. The same is true for tormenting the dog, which it sounds like is going on.

Why do you feel bad complaining about them? It's your house. It is up to you to lay down the rules, and if these people want to live with you, they must abide by them. They should be required to take their turns doing the food shopping and paying for the food. They should take their turns washing the dishes. They should reimburse you for any charges that they incur. Lay down the rules gently at first. But if it comes to it, Lori, it should be YOUR WAY OR THE HIGHWAY.

Hope this helps. :)
 
This is going to sound harsh, but they sound like a couple of inconsiderate slobs to me. How on earth did you get dragooned into this situation?

I also have to agree with the previous poster - "live-in babysitters" is all well and good, but if one of them is tormenting your daughter no one is being done any favors here.

The late great Ann Landers said it best: No one can take advantage of you without your consent. Sounds to me like this is one arrangement you could happily live without. End it.

Annette Q. Aquajock
"Free advice is worth precisely what you paid for it."
 
Wow Lori .. I feel for you!

Any benefits aside (which sound limited in comparison to what you have to deal with), it sounds to me like they're not being very respectful, and are taking advantage of your kindness in letting them stay with you! $40 a week isn't much at all, especially when compared to your phone bill! I'd give my left arm to pay that little in rent (Chicago rent is pretty steep). I think you need to really lay down some ground rules, and if they chose not to adhere, then maybe it's best they find an alternative living situation! It would probably be a lot cheaper for you to ocassionally hire a sitter, versus what you're shelling out in long distance, food, and other things for them. Just my .02, but I think you deserve their respect and consideration.

Hang in there! :)
~ Nicole
 
Hhhhhhhhmmmmmmmm.

Can I offer you my advice too?

First, you should have a family meeting with everybody concern where you can present them with the list above and hear their reactions. If they deny that they are doing this then it is possible that they weren't aware of it or they were but don't see it as unacceptable behaviour, in which case you have to point it out to them in no uncertain terms that this is your house and you have different rules that they must learn to abide by.

I understand this is family and really it should make it easier to talk to them (I normally just vent my anger at my family if they annoy me, whereas with outsiders I try to be more tactful), but it probably doesn't because they are more likely to not take you seriously. You should be firm and make it clear that things have to change or they can move out and rent somewhere else (if you make this threat be prepared to carry it out). Give them a month to change their habits and then act.

Good luck.

Yen
 
Hi Lori,

It is tricky because they are family, but it is your home, and I wonder if maybe you should pin up some house rules somewhere, and vent at a family meeting. they will probably think you are being a nag, and if they don't like it then maybe it is time for an ultimatum, even if they are family ?

Anna
 
Thanks guys,
As I was typing my post I was wondering if maybe I was being bit of a bitch.Everything they do doesn't bother me, but you can only imagine what it is like living with other people.My mom wonders why I don't come home very often but can you imagine living with people and then when you and your family have a couple of days on your own, then you decide to go home where they live? I don;t think so.
He just plays with my daughter but gets her pretty excited.She is 6, so it doesn't take much to get her going.
But like I said, this (I believe) is their last week.
My dad as been constintly catered to.By my mom.That is the way it was when they were married.My brother not so much.But he is more of a help when doing house work.You can't expect a 56 year old man to start doing things that he has never done his whole life.They both do help with the dishes. I would say that it is probably not just the fact that they are here, but I have a husband and a 6 yr old.So, it seems like I am constintly cleaning up after everyone.My husband went away on business last week from wed-fri and the house was spotless while he was away.Even with my family living with me.And as soon as he got home he crawled into bed, clothes throwen on the floor,bags left in themiddle of the kitchen ,books ont he table...don't worry though,he got a piece of my mind.
I think that is probably enough complaining for now.I just hope my sister don't check this forum and read my post.She probably lerks around here.
:Lori
 
[font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON Oct-29-02 AT 11:13AM (Est)[/font][p]Lori,

Being a bitch eh? I don't think so. Maybe this is because I do the same thing myself, I don't think it's bitchy. I think that when I am annoyed I can be a harsh (very harsh), but then I have a point to make and sometimes getting right to the core of the problem is the only way to make me feel better. So bitch away............

I know what you mean about the things not bothering you normally, but when you are in a bad mood everything bothers you: everything is highlighted and blown all out of proportions! Even a 'Hello' from a Mother Theresa would bother you.

Yen
 
I have to ditto everything Miz Aquajock had to say. You teach people how to treat you, in the words of Dr. Phil.

I would tell them to hit the road pronto.

Just Do It! :)
 
Lori,
I also have to agree with Annette and the rest of the gang.

I think it is time to say "later gator..... it's been fun but it ain't been real fun".

I think it is time you put YOU first and take care of your immediate family!!!!!!!! Stand up for yourself!!!!

I also think that a family meeting is good. I always believe in communication for hard things like these. It is probably best if you just communicate with them.... the key though is to make sure you are honest!!! Be STRONG!!!!

Don't feel bad!!! Take care of YOU!!!!!!

-Pammer
 
This is the perfect place to vent, no doubt.But although I was in a sour mood yesterday,today is not so bad.
I got to thinking, I can't kick them out.Sure I should probably lay down some rules but like I said they are leaving in 3 days.
This is the same man who didn't kick me out when I was 16 and pregnat.Instead he came home from work and kissed me on the forhead when I couldn't lift my head off of the pillow.Got me everything I needed to have a baby and I think I would of been able to live there forever.This is also the same person who went to the bank and got me $3000.00 to help pay off my visa so that we could get a house.
Thanks everyone for listening though.I think I can stick it out for another few days.I just had to get it off of my chest.
Lori
 
[font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON Oct-30-02 AT 05:16AM (Est)[/font][p]All this may be true, but you CAN STILL lay down some rules! You are not mistreating them if you have control of your own house. They need to respect your space. You really are not being kind to them by letting them walk all over you. Have you ever tried to lay down some guidelines, and if you did, what kind of a response did you get?

You are returning your dad's kindness by giving him a place to stay. I ask you, when you were 16, did you show the same disrespect to his belongings as he and your brother are to yours? You are really not doing them a favor by letting them upset you. Taking charge of you own space will make you feel better, and is not a sign of disrespect at all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This can be done in a kind but firm way.

Even if he is leaving in 3 days, you can still plan for his next "visit," which I'm sure will happen.

The family meeting still would be a good idea.

Just Do It! :)
 
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