I want to stay at home with kids

L

Lynnne

Cathlete
I wish i could stay at home with my two kids -aged 4 and 2!! Here I am working everyday and wishing I could find some other way to make $$ so I could be home with my kids!! my problem is - I'm the bread winner in the family and don't want to be. My husband just started a new job in sales and he's hoping that the commission will eventually kick in to allow me to quit! But it feels like forever and in the meantime, I'm missing out on so much! It kills me to drop my kids off at daycare and school every morning. I hate the fact that someone else is raising them during the day - it is not right.

Anyone else in this situation
 
Yep. I have a 3 year old son that I take to daycare every morning. I have to work b/c we need health insurance. Not that we are sick but you never know what could happen. My husband is a self-employed contractor and although he does make really good money, we don't have the extra $700/month it would cost us to pay for health insurance.

Don't ever feel bad about having to work - you are doing what is best for your family.
 
I can relate. It broke my heart to drop off my son at the daycare. But once he started pre-school/Montessori school, he loved it and it all worked out. He's 8 now and very well adjusted and happy and we have a wonderful relationship. Every teacher he's ever had always tells me how much they adore him and how happy and well adjusted he is. But, I would have much rather been able to stay home with him.
 
My son is now 4½. He goes to daycare 3 full days a week. It was my choice to back to work when he was almost 2. I went back b/c money was extremely tight. Now, we have more money coming in we are living "up to" this income. We've moved into a much larger, nicer house, have new vehicles a boat and more. A lot of times I regret making the decision going back to work, but I also hated our crap box house and not having any money to even go to McDonalds (let alone the gas to get there!). It's a really tough choice, but you just do what is right for your family. But, if your husband makes pretty good money, can’t he sacrifice another $700 per month? If you're really unhappy working full time then I'd make it an issue w/him and make some changes.
Susan C.M.
 
It is a huge issue in our house. I can't force him to make extra $$. I would be willing to downsize our house (even though its only 2 bedroom now) - I'd move into a town house if I could stay at home. money is already tight in our house so without my income (which is the most) - we'd be starving. It really sucks because my 4 year old seems really insecure and is very very shy. i think he needs extra care and attention from me to feel secure - but i can't give it to him. day care can only give him so much. it makes me cry - i just don't know what to do.
 
My son is almost 2 years old and he has been going to daycare ever since he was 6 weeks old. I carry our health and dental insurance through my work so not working is not an option. Also for years we have always relied on two incomes so going down to one would be very hard for us to do, not impossible though, but very tight with money.

I have many great things to say about my son's daycare. Do I wish I was able to stay at home with my son? YES! But my son's daycare is not just a baby sitter they are a development center so he is doing more than I ever could teach him at home. He is also learning manners, how to brush his teeth, and social skills. Of course I work with him on these things at home, but they reinforce what I try to teach him. My main positive reason for daycare is when I pick my son up I am so happy to see him and want to spend every moment before he goes to bed with him. I'm sorry to say that if I was a SAHM I personally would take our time for granted. Please don't flame me. I know there are very wonderful SAHMs who are wonderful with their kids and can handle staying with them 24-7. It really hurts me to say that I can not be one of them, but I have to be true to myself and what I am capable of. Hope I did not come off sounding selfish. I want to be able to provide every possible advantage for my son, not spoiled, to give him a good start in the world. Unfortunately I have to work to do that. I guess my main point is to don't feel bad for working. Sorry this was so long.

Edited to add: Sorry I just read your previous post. Do you think it is possible that it is just part of his personality that makes him very shy?
 
If it's just that you want someone at home with the kids in the daytime, then let your hubby do it. If you are the breadwinner then that makes sense to me. I would not count on commission money as a replacement for your income however. Commissions are not a "given", they never are. That kind of money is like overtime, it fluctuates month to month and really should not count as regular income IMHO.
Lots of fathers feel the same way you do by the way. :) Hell, I'd love to give up the stress of this rat race and stay home with the kids. :)
Trevor
 
Lynne

It seems as though at this particular moment you have no choice but to work. As money is tight, etc… Until things change, money improves, husbands job gets better, etc…then it will pay (no pun) for you to hold off until things are better. I’m sure you give your kids all the love and attention.

I think a lot of us would like to stay home full stop! lol … I know I would!

Hope it works out for you.

W x
 
Lynne, I've worked the garbage shift for 13 years so one of us could always (almost) be home with Nik. She's 13 now. I've worked mostly nights and some evenings, and I've been doing it for all of my 18 years of nursing. I'm sick to death of it. My husband was lucky enough to find a day shift nursing job when Nik was 6 months old, and he'd be nuts to leave it. But rather than have her raised in day care and after-school programs, I work those 12 hour nights. I never sleep enough, I'm chronically crabby for two days after just one shift, and I want a "normal" life. I would love a job during the day, where I could be home at night and on the weekends with my husband and daughter. One day. She won't be 13 forever. And right now I'm just grateful we both get to spend so much time with her.

We need both incomes, and that's a fact of life. I can't really change it. I'm struggling to get my Legal Nurse Consulting business off the ground, but I know it's going to be a long, hard struggle, and I also know I might not even make it in the end. But at least I'll have tried. One thing I do know is that we do what we have to do. There is always a solution. Sometimes you just have to look a bit harder to find it. And sometimes the obvious or best solution is not the one you want, but you have to do what is best for everyone.

I feel for you. I hope you find a way to be with your kids and make ends meet. Best of luck to you!

Carol
:)
 
Lynne,
Another option might be to provide daycare in your home. When my first two boys were little, I did just that. I had a maximum of 4 kids, and was lucky enough that they were close in age to my kids, so they always had a playmate. I do have to say, its hard work. I had alot of fun doing it, but by the end of the day, I needed some adult conversation! I did still work parttime evenings and weekends at a dept store, but that was a "break" for me!!

I have since started an embroidery business, going on 6 yrs now, and have made a very comfortable (at times) living with that as well. I converted my "formal dining" room into my shop, so again, Im able to be home when the kids are home--it works out great.

Just a couple of ideas--its sooo hard being a parent, I think you have some guilt no matter what you decide !
Good luck
Jayne
 
Hi Lynne! I've never been a SAHM. My husband too is in sales & I've always been the main bread winner + benefits for all of my 20 yr. marriage. My son is now 12 & doesn't need a babysitter any longer. Do you have your son in preschool or just daycare? Here in NY its mandatory for children to start preschool as early as age 3. The preschool made a world of difference in my son; he too was shy but the right school brought out all of his wonderful qualities & made him shine. It used to break my heart every day to drop him off at different babysitters. Because of my work schedule between commuting & my work day the babysitter had to put in an 11 hr. day for me & none of them could ever do it for more than 6 months. Can you imagine having a different babysitter every 6 months, a different household & children? It was a mother's worst nightmare. I then decided to hire a nanny for him. Between the preschool & the nanny my little boy just shined & thrived beautifully. However, my wallet was crying;( but it was a small sacrifice to make just to see his little face so happy & smiling every day. It gets much better as the years go by. I hope I've helped some. Take care, Kathy
 
I'm a SAHM of 3 boys. My husband is self-employed. We carry the minimum in health insurance, we don't have dental or eye insurance because it would cost more to have the insurance than to just pay the dentist for cleanings. Of course other things have come up (gum infections, cavities, stitches, etc.) but it insurance would still have been more. We are fortuante in that the dentist goes to my parent's church. I don't want to trivialize your situation...I worked as a nurse for 10 years, 6 of it on-call when my kids were little and just from their experience they noticed the amount I worked (16hours a month!) and were glad I quit to homeschool. It's not easy...I have thought MANY times about going back to work...I'd pull in A LOT of money, we'd have great insurance, I'd get to do something I love...but times goes by too quick...in 10 years we'll be empty-nesting. If your heart is breaking, I'd encourage you to explore how you can stay home. I pray your husband finds favor in his job so you can stay home.

CinDee
 
It costs money to go to work.

I would add up all the expenses you have to go to work. Daycare, clothes, makeup, gas, lunch money, eating out because you are too tired to cook after work, electricity because you are using the dryer more, dry cleaning expenses, toys you buy without a reason, etc.

I bet, if you deduct all those expenses, your net income won't be so great.

We've been on one income for the past ten years and my husband doesn't want it any other way. It's good for his ego and his carreer to have a wife at home.

I on the other hand would like a part-time job while the kids are in school. But it seems whenever I have an interview there is some sort of emergency at school.:p
 
thanks for the advice everyone - it is just nice to hear from other folks who are in the same position. it gives me comfort to hear from others.
 
I too was in your situation as the breadwinner. I went part time and we adjusted to less quite well. Eventually, I stopped working. That was about 9 years ago and I have enjoyed every minute of it. I was able to help out in school, on field trips etc. Unfortunately, my boys are now 16 and 11. Once the older boy goes to college, I will have to get a job.
Now I have been out of the work force so long that I won't be able to get the type of job or salary that I commanded before. All things considered, I am very grateful to have been able to spent the time with them!
 
I know i'd be blessed to be able to be at home with them. it goes so fast and i hate missing it! we've been through the numbers a million times and it just doesn't add up. if i could find 1 or 2 good clients to work on my own i would. but my type of job is specialized - i'm a writer/ consultant and finding clients who only need me on a part time basis is difficult. i'm looking though!
 
I worked for 18 years in a factory. Up at 3 to go to work, home by 4. It was terrible. Then I stumbled upon a home-based business selling jewelry and doing home shows. I quit last January. It has been 1 year. My kids are older now, but I am still HOME. I love it, and am happier than I have ever been in my life. I hope someday you find the same opportunity.
Lori
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Our Newsletter

Get awesome content delivered straight to your inbox.

Top