HELP me get my Daughter of her Binky

A

AndreaAnnania

Member
Good Day Everyone,

My daughter will be 2 in February and won't let go of the pacifier. Everyone says just take it away and let her scream but it's hard when I get home from working 11-12 hours days, have class at night and been back and forth to court dealing with my husband's federal case. I don't have the patience to take her right off right now. I was thinking about trying to wean her off but I don't know how. She is now asking for it by name, crying saying momma I want my binky. It's bad. I don't want her to be 2 with a binky. HELP PLEASE!!!!!

Andrea
 
Andrea,

First let me say that if this is a particularly stressful period in your life, maybe you should wait a few months.

My pediatrician recommended that I wait until my son was 2 before we tried to take the pacifier away. She said this is because most of the fussy/teething periods have passed.

Maybe you can pick a long weekend, when you don't have to work or have lots of outside demands. Other suggestions include, give her a substitute when she asks for the binky (fruit snacks or something to distract her). Toddlers are very distractable at this age, so you might also be able to distract her with an activity (coloring, play dough, puzzles) something itneractive.

One activity that a coworker and I both discovered is letting our sons play with some water in the kitchen sink. Have them stand on a stool at the sink and put just an inch or so of water in the sink. Let her stir and splash with a whisk. It is just water, it will clean up easily and using a wire whisk doesn't splatter too much water.

If you can't tolerate just taking it away, then reduce her need for the pacifier gradually. Take it away during the day and only let her have it at night. Don't take it to the babysitter or daycare - she will have to get by without it. Gradually reduce the amount of time that she has it each day.

After she falls asleep, you might try gently taking it out of her mouth too.

Just a few suggestions, Good Luck!

Tina
 
Andrea,

Relax, relax, relax. This is not such a terrible thing, and doesn't have to be a traumatic experience for all concerned. Yes, there are people who frown on "older" children using pacifiers, but they are unsympathetic people who know very little about childrens' development. Your daughter is not even 24 months old yet, so she is far from outside the range of binky-use. Sucking is a comfort mechanism that children use, and to arbitrarily cut it off creates unnecessary stress and trauma for everyone. Depending on how much she actually uses it, you can begin to wean her. I have a few suggestions, but it really depends on how much she uses it. Does she have it in her mouth all day and all night? Or are there only specific times when she wants it? Ideally you want to begin removing it for small portions of time, increasing the time gradually. Reassure her that she will get the binky back shortly, and when the allotted time is up, give it back to her along with a reward for waiting. Teach her that there is something positive about giving up her pacifier, even for short periods of time. She won't understand this connection at first, but if you keep doing it she will figure it out pretty quick. Some people may consider this "bribing", but it's actually positive reinforcement, where you modify behaviour by providing a positive incentive for change. And really, she is still quite young and may not be ready to give up the pacifier yet. Given all the things you are dealing with at this time, this may not be the best time to wean her. You really need to commit to the gradual process of weaning, and be consistent. If there is a time in the future that you forsee being less stressful (like when your classes are over), then wait until then.

When my daughter was 3 1/2 we decided that we wanted to stop all pacifier use. By that time she was only using it to fall asleep at night, and was fine without it during the day. Our strategy was to tell her that if she went to sleep without her soother, we would take her to Tim Horton's for a chocolate doughnut for breakfast. She thought about it a bit, then refused. So we accepted that, and made the offer again a week later. This time she said "yes", gave us the soother, and went to sleep. So the next morning the three of us trudged through the snow at 7am to the doughnut shop for a fresh chocolate doughnut. The child was thrilled beyond belief. We made it a "celebration" and made sure she knew we were having this party because she was now a big girl who doesn't need a soother anymore. In short, we made this a very positive experience for her. She's been soother-free ever since. Had she woken up that night and desperately asked for her soother, I would have reminded her of the chocolate doughnut reward, and if she was willing to forgo the doughnut for the soother, then I would have given it back to her, postponed the doughnut trip, and tried again a few days later.

I hope some of this helps,
Sandra
 
Thanks Tina,

I'm going to try to gradually take her away from it. I was able to distract her a little bit with letting her play in the water... LOL, but guess what, I took her to the gym with me for the first time at Bally's and the Lady that watch the kids in the childcare said I couldn't get her to keep her hands out of the water fountain. LOL. I was like what have I started. I really appreciate the suggestion they are excellent ones.


Andrea:)
 
Andrea, I feel for you, really and truly. Both of my sons were DEEPLY attached to their binky. My pediatrician had no problem with that but wanted them off of it when they were beginning to speak sentences and could clearly understand fairly complex speech. For my boys (because boys are a little slower to speak, generally, I think), this meant that they were past 2 when we officially gave up the binky. But both of my kids gave it up cold turkey and to my astonishment taht worked GREAT. The secret was an idea courtesy of my pediatrician: The Binky Fairy came! Let me tell you how we did it.

I started preparing my son about a week ahead of time (same way with each son, so I'll tell you about Son #1's experience). I told him that since he was getting to be a big boy, it was almost time for the Binky Fairy to come and take all the binkies so that babies could use them. I told him that the Binky Fairy would leave him a wonderful toy in place of the binkies, and that he should be thinking about what that could be. My DH and I really talked this up over several days, and the idea of a present from the Fairy became exciting to our son. We knew he was ready when he announced that he'd decided he wanted a Ghostbusters Power Pack (about a $20 toy -- as I recall, Son #2 selected a Legos set). We told him yeah, that sounded just great. And then we let him continue to anticipate the gift for a few more days until he was REALLY psyched to have it.

Then one morning I announced that today was THE day and that he would get his Power Pack that night! We made a huge deal of going all around the house, car, diaper bag, etc. gathering all the binkies. All the while I kept telling him how proud I was of him for deciding to let the babies have his binkies now that he was a big boy. This took hours to do, because along the way he'd stop and stick one in his mouth for a while, play, have lunch, take a nap, etc.

When all the binkies were gathered up, we put them in a big zip-loc baggie by the front door and made a big ceremony of saying good-bye to them (kinda like you might do a goldfish funeral for a little kid, you know? ;-)). The bag lay there until bedtime, and a couple of times my son wavered and got a little sad, and would go and get a binky out for a few minutes. Interestingly, after a little while he'd put it back.

The next morning he was thrilled to find the Ghostbusters Power Pack right where the binky bag had been. Once again we told him how proud we were of him, and how nice it was that he'd shared his binkies with little babies all over the world.

Over the next two or three days we had a few tearful moments when he'd reach for the missing binky, and I would tell him how badly I felt for him, that I knew it was hard, and that I was so proud of him for being brave and giving his binkies away. (Note the broken record "theme" here. :) We repeated our message to him over and over and over.) I also let him have extra juice cups so he'd have something "in his hand" at those "GIVE ME A BINKY" moments. It only took a few days and really only a few critical-mass moments, and he was over it.

Think about giving this a try, okay? I was skeptical to the bone because my son was attached to his binky like I've never seen. But it worked for me TWICE.

Good luck!!! :)

http://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung0903/sport/sport-smiley-003.gif Kathy S.http://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung0903/spezial/spudniks/spudniklifter.gif
[font color=green]2005 Worked Out With Cathe Days: 3/365[/font color] :)
 
Hello again,

You know my boss said the same thing I need to wait for a less stressful time in my life, but if my husband has to go to prison it's really going to be hard for me. I don't know what to do. Sandra she wants the binky all day long. She has one in her mouth and likes to carry another in her hand. Yesterday was my first time trying to take it from her. I asked for it and she gave it to me but then about 5 minutes later she said where is my binky. I said binky had to go bye bye and I put on a tape and danced and played with her, but it was exhausting. I was like I don't know if I can do this. And as far as my husband goes, I ask him when he has her during the day to keep it from her and play with her as a distraction and he says he can't tell her no, so I have no help at all with this. I guess she will have to stay on it for a few more months.

Andrea
 
Kathy that sounds like a plan. I might have to take my daughter around some babies so she can see that they need them. It's also hard because right now she isn't around many other children. She only see me and her father. I'm going to get her in daycare soon because I don't know what's going to happen with her father, and maybe her seeing other kids without it will help her.

Thanks for the Help, Very much appreciated!

Andrea
 
Sandra!

I keep getting sidetracked by interesting threads, darn it! Just a quick note -- you and I responded to Andrea almost at the same time and I'm amused and relieved to see that bribery is a universally accepted tool. I applaud your doughnut system and your patience. :) I like to think of the Binky Fairy (our system) as positive reinforcement, but "bribe" is what it was, I must admit!

Great response to Andrea, by the way. You're good! :)

http://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung0903/sport/sport-smiley-003.gif Kathy S.http://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung0903/spezial/spudniks/spudniklifter.gif
[font color=green]2005 Worked Out With Cathe Days: 3/365[/font color] :)
 
Hi Andrea!

You know, different minds could disagree on this, but I think if I were you that I'd deliberately wait til after she's in day care. Getting used to that is stressful (believe me, for both of you), and having her binky will be soothing for your daughter while she acclimates to the new environment and being away from you. She'll soon come to enjoy it and the other kids. (This WILL be true even if she cries when you drop her off -- we could do a whole other thread on that, but suffice it to say that both of my sons cried often when dropped off at preschool during their 2-year-olds class, when they went just two mornings a week. But I'd park the car and sneak into the building to peek into their classroom FIVE MINUTES later and they'd be playing happily. They needed and got constant reassurance that I would be back for them. And they enjoyed the stimulus of other kids. All of this totally normal.)

After she's settled into her day care situation and is over that hump and feeling some success and accomplishment from that (and she will), then you can tackle the binky. It won't be any kind of disaster if a few more weeks or months go by. There aren't any hard and fast rules here -- you need to follow your instincts about comforting your child AND minimizing additional stessors in your own life and hers. You've got PLENTY on your plate right now, sweetie!

http://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung0903/sport/sport-smiley-003.gif Kathy S.http://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung0903/spezial/spudniks/spudniklifter.gif
[font color=green]2005 Worked Out With Cathe Days: 3/365[/font color] :)
 
Andrea, I've never seen a ten year old with a Binky. Don't stress out that much about it yet. She's still very young!
 
I find this very interesting. My daughter never grew attached to one. Evidentely, the binky is satisfying some security need. I wonder what that is?

Aren't they bad for tooth formation?
 
Candi, I think they're a self-calming and comforting tool. Being a toddler can be a scary time for some kids. I think some children feel the process of growing more independent from mommy and daddy much more acutely and stressfully than others, and I also think that kids have a great innate sense of their own needs at that age. Some kids need little self-comfort tools and others don't, and the tools vary. Neither of my sons ever attached to any blanket or stuffed animal despite having lots of choices of both available, and yet they both had buddies who were deeply attached to a special "blanky" or beloved stuffed animal. On the other hand, my sons were very attached to their pacifiers and had friends who weren't. And they had friends who used no self-comfort tools at all.

As for teeth, they make binkies these days so "orthodontically correct" that I don't think that's a real danger. Binkies didn't affect my kids' teeth at all (and that was 15 and almost 18 years ago -- think how much the technology has improved, I'm sure!) and heaven knows they sure sucked on them hard enough to do some damage if that had been possible!

http://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung0903/sport/sport-smiley-003.gif Kathy S.http://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung0903/spezial/spudniks/spudniklifter.gif
[font color=green]2005 Worked Out With Cathe Days: 3/365[/font color] :)
 
My oldest son hated the binky, so I was astonished when my youngest just adored his. He was so attached to it, and it really helped him calm down during the day and to go to sleep at night. I couldn't justify taking away something that was so important to him, just because of some arbitrary cutoff age for binkie use.

He used it until he was 5! After age 3, I wouldn't let him use it outside of the house. At 5, I told him that I would buy back his binkies for $1 each, and that we'd then go get a toy with the money. He gave me all but two of them, which he "hid" for a month or so (I knew he had them) until his mercenary side kicked in and he traded those in too.

He's now 7, and his teeth are fine and he's a wonderful sleeper.

I'm obviously not bothered by binkies for older kids, but even given my bias, I'd suggest that you let your daughter keep hers for awhile longer. She's going to experience some major upheaval in her little world, and I think whatever little comforts she can cling to will be very important to her.

Good luck.
 
Try cutting the end off of it - it takes the fun out of it and she won't want it anymore. This has worked for many kids so it's worth a shot. Give it a whirl and let us know what works.

Good Luck, Wendy
 
I'm with some people here. What's the big deal. You obviously sound a bit stressed. So maybe that would be picked up by your little girl. If so, then right now, it may be too much to expect to make such drastic changes.

Exactly why do you feel now is the time to cut her off. I don't think you said.

Marla
 
I think it's a good idea not to stress about the binky so much. By the time you go to kindergarten everybody is potty trained and doesn't take the binky.

I think sometimes we American mom's have too much time on our hands. We worry that our children are not following the "rules" that who knows who started. I have 2 boys, ages 4 and 20 months. My 4 year old had a bottle each night to help him fall asleep until he was nearly 3. I remember I told a friend of mine this, and she was shocked. If you don't take the binky or bottle away when they are 1 you have failed as a mother. This is crazy. I am happy to report my 4 year old voluntarily told my husband and I he didn't want a bottle any longer at night, and started falling asleep without one.

Do you not want you daughter to have a pacifier because society frowns on it? Do what you feel in your heart is right for your daughter? Obviously you are going through a stressful time, and you have to make the decision that is best for your family. We obsess about all of this baby stuff, like bottles and binky's, sleeping habits, and milestones. Like Sandra said, some kids have a higher need to suck, let it be and take it slow. She won't have a binky in her mouth when she is in kindergarten.

Best of luck to you and your family,
Lori
 
Thanks Everyone for the Advice,

I do think it's more so that it's so frowned upon. My daughter is very tall and looks very old for her age, and when we are out they are like oh you know she is too big for that pacificer, and honestly I'm a bit embarrassed by it. It's a personal thing, but for right now I think I'm going to try to take her off of it slowly and continue to talk and try to bribe her into letting them go.

I cut the top of one of the binky's and she put it in her mouth, pulled it back out and started to scream. I told her binky was broke and told her to throw it away, she couldn't believe it. LOL. She continued to cry and then kept trying to suck on it with the hole cut in it. Eventually she searched and found two more binkys that were not messed up. So when I get home today maybe I will try to cut holes in them as well. Thanks again everyone.

Andrea
:)
 
We did this really gradually with our oldest son. He is 15 now, and binky free!;-)

Basically, I started with it being only in the house. He could not take it outside our home, anytime, anywhere. Then it was in bed only. Naps and night time. When he got up it had to stay on his pillow. It was kind of cute there plopped in the middle like a "binky throne". Then it was buy-no-more. When they were gone, they were gone. This whole thing took several months and he was closer to three. Gasp!

My feeling is that if something so simple is comforting, be gentle about taking it away. My doctor said that his need to suck, a very strong reflex, would be satisfied one way or another. If he didn't have the binky he would find a thumb, and you can't take that away!
 
All this information is great, everyone I seem to talk to here always act like their child was off of it by the child's first birthday. So it's nice to know I'm not the only one that has or has had a child attached to his/her binky.

Thanks Ladies

God Bless

Andrea
 
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