Getting Married in Hawaii - Advice Needed

[juliem]

I am staying on the Big Island of Hawaii the week of December 7th through the 14th with my Fiancee and my two daughters along with my sister and her two kids. Since planning this vacation about 8 months ago we have decided to get married on this trip. It will be a very simple beach wedding at sunset where we exchange vows and have pictures taken followed by a casual dinner to celebrate. When I told my sister we wanted to do this she immediately got very upset and said this trip is not what she signed up for and that the whole trip is going to be about the wedding and that she is re-thinking even going along. I reassured her that I did not want this to become a big event and that if she wants to come to the wedding she can and if not that is fine too. She can stay at the hotel and swim or whatever. What do you think about her reaction? I would have hoped that she would be happy and want to celebrate with us. My daughters are very excited and want her and my niece and nephew to be there. Can you give me any advise on how to handle this?

 

[Jennifit]

Wow -
First off, if your sister does want to go - I will take her place...I will be the best brides maid ever!! LOL

Seriously, I am surprised by her reaction. I have three sister and would be thrilled to celebrate them anytime If one wanted to get married on a trip we all planned, I would be so happy for her.

Is there a deeper reason you can think of that she is upset? Does she not like your future husband? Is she feeling left out or lonely? Her feelings are real, no matter how silly they may seem.

I would talk to her and tell her how much she means to you and how you want to celebrate with the people you love the most.

All that, enjoy your moment. You cannot control people's reactions or feelings towards you. Congrats!

Let us know what happens.

 

[goldenpath]

I just wanted to say congratulations on your wedding. I really don’t have any advice for you but I do find it strange that your sister is not happy for you. I understand that she did not sign up for it, but you mentioned it would be one evening and very simple. I don’t think that should be a problem.

 

[trixie108]

First of all CONGRATS!! And don't tell my fiancee, that is like his DREAM wedding, lol!!

Maybe your sister thinks it will be a big to do and everyone will be fussing over you and leaving her out? Maybe offer her a special position, like maid of honor? Or maybe there is something a bit deeper, like does she not like your fiancee?

This probably didn't help much, but best of luck, and regardless of what she chooses to do, have fun!

 

[Liann]

Unless there is some other deep seated resentment towards your fiance (which I doubt since she was fine with this trip before), then it sounds to me like she is just worried that the wedding is going to take on a life of it's own and get in the way of her relaxing vacation. Some people once they have a plan, can't handle any changes to the "plan" without freaking out. It's a selfish reaction, but not totally out there. I think you handled it about the best way you could. The ball is in her court now. Hopefully, she'll decide to be mature about it and support you on your day. If not, it's her loss.

 

[SirenSongWoman]

She probably just wanted a relaxing vacation but is now worried her wonderful break is going to turn into an EVENT, which I get. However, it does sound as if you made it perfectly clear you're just casually exchanging vows in a low-key, no-fuss way... Still, if it's no big deal she probably wonders why you don't just go down to the courthouse and do the deed before heading off to Hawaii for a true vacation?

 

[CollinsMom]

Congrats!! I had a small, intimate beach wedding about six months ago and it was wonderful!

I think I agree with Lianna. Hope your sister comes around soon!