Find a letter... in your teenagers pocket, would you read it?

[dss62467]

RE: Find a letter...in your teenagers pocket, would you...

Oh yeah...I know what you mean. I totally wouldn't have wanted to talk with my father about sex, but my dad never talked TO me about anything. He was a lecturer. I tell you what though, I would have appreciated it if he had been one who COULD have talked to me. As it was, I had no talks about sex from either of my parents and I think that was a huge mistake on their part. I didn't give sex the respect it deserved and I am remorseful of that.

My husband is a bit more sensitive than my father and she's lucky.

 

[eleonela]

RE: Find a letter...in your teenagers pocket, would you read it?

Well, I have 16 year old. I listen on the phone when she talk. I read her diary and I installed a computer program that spys on her. I am glad I did.

Elena

 

[catwoman]

RE: Find a letter...in your teenagers pocket, would you read it?

I am reminded of something I heard in the movie Footloose:

"If we don't trust our children, how will they ever become trustworthy?"

I guess in my mind, if I have been a good parent and have led by example, and have built a good a foundation in the early years of my child's life, then my daughter will make the right decision. I don't want my daughter to feel like she's in prison when she's merely "at home". The best way to make a child act like a criminal and to be sneaky is to treat them like they already are.

I look back at when I was a kid. My mom and dad (especially my dad) did an excellent job raising me to be responsible and thoughtful. Then my mom decided she didn't want to be married to my dad, anymore, and her boyfriend moved in. He treated my brother and me like we were infantile, stupid, irresponsible brats. So, guess what? We started conspiring to do what we wanted so that he and my mom wouldn't find out about it. In other words, we became rebellious and sneaky, lying and finding secret ways to do what we wanted without them finding out. If he hadn't acted like a totalitarian czar who lorded over us, we would never have behaved the way we did. Luckily, I already had a good core foundation from my dad's upbringing, so I never got into too much trouble...and all that good upbringing had already developed a conscience in me, which is something I tend to see lacking more and more in today's youth. If they've got a conscience, they'll be just fine.

 

[Yummy Mummy]

RE: Find a letter...in your teenagers pocket, would you read it?

Actually I agree a lot with Catwoman on this one:

As parents, we have to have a lot of TRUST and FAITH in our teenagers and cross fingers, toes and everything in between, that they make the right decisions for THIER lives............not ours!

As much as I may have been tempted, if the letter wasnt just lying around opened already, for all to see, I wouldnt have read it. Just as my children respect my privicy when I leave personal objects around, I respect theirs.

You sound like a GREAT Mum Charlotte, and it can be nerve wracking thinking your 16yr old, MAY! make a bad decision.............but thats part and parcel of HOPING and PRAYING they have heard and listened to ALL the parental advice given to them from the day they were born.

How old is the boyfriend? I think he himself made a bad decison to use the "tedddy bear" as his analogy for wanting to sleep with your daughter.........and Im not making excuses for him............but it was proberly just a stupid teenage boy comment, and may meant nothing!

Unless hes abit of a rough neck, treats your daughter badly, and has the manners of a pig when when around you................your going have to trust your daughter on this one...........because YOU just simply not liking him, isnt going to cut it.

As for my own three!...........one or two of them did unfortunatly make some bad choices between the ages of 14 and 18.........nothing life treatening.........but
sometimes they have to experience the concequences of a bad choice in order to learn and make a good one the next time round.

Its fantastic you have a very "open" sex communicaton going on. My DH and myself still talk "sex" to our three.........especially DH and our 2 girls.........just to give a mans point of view...........and my son and I also opening talk, although he is more embarrised about it than the girls.

And not meaning to shock anyone, but I taught my son how to put on a condom by using a banana as a reference. Beleive me, it may seem commonsence and easy to put those things on correctly, but its not.............and there was no way his friends would have taught him. As for the girls! as soon as they came to me, one at 14, one at 16, wanting to go on the pill, I went with them to the GP and made sure they understood every single word the GP said in reguards to how the pill works and how they should use it.

I did feel they were TOO young, but better my support than a pregnant teenager.

All the best with your daughter, but Im sure she will make the right decision and you can breathe easy until the next time.....haha ..........it just doesnt stop beleive me........but it does get easier

Marion


You have to stay in shape. My Grandmother started walking when she was 60. Today she is 97 and we don't know where the hell she is! - Ellen DeGeneres

 

[dlavie]

RE: Find a letter...in your teenagers pocket, would you read it?

If I find things where they're not supposed to be, I read them. I don't search rooms but I do "put laundry away" occasionally.

I also read email and they know I do.

I trust my kids, I have never done anything to betray their trust. They have tested my trust before. What I don't trust is the manipulative scum that preys on kids.

Someday they'll be on they're own, hopefully they'll still call and ask questions if they need to.

I made a lot of mistakes as a teenager/young adult. My kids know most of them, I never lie to them. They will be free to make their own mistakes but it would be so much better if they learned from mine.

Dave

 

[needsmotivation]

RE: Find a letter...in your teenagers pocket, would you read it?

only if I had reason to believe that something was up....and only if I happened upon it....I would not search for stuff.

If something is up....it will eventually surface on it's own

 

[FitNut]

RE: Find a letter...in your teenagers pocket, would you read it?

Absolutely depending on the kid and the circumstances.

 

[toastythemosty]

RE: Find a letter...in your teenagers pocket, would you read it?

Catwoman,

I totally agree with you. I was torn in those few seconds as to what I was going to do...read the letter or not, but I completely agree with what your saying. I try to think that way too.

Marion,

Your one brave mum with that banana! I hear what your saying too, but her boyfriend who is 17 crossed the line and now he is going to have earn back my trust. He knows what our rules are and I expect him to respect my wishes when he is in my house, and with my daughter. To me, she is a princess, and I expect him to treat her like one and not "toy" with her brain because he is selfish while thinking with his crotch.
I know it doesn't matter if I like him or not, that is Ashley's decision to make, but I just want to make sure she sees the whole picture while she is so caught up with this boy. It is hard to see things the way they really are when you want to believe the best in
someone.
Charlotte~~

 

[jdoll]

RE: Find a letter...in your teenagers pocket, would you read it?

charlotte: you dont look old enough to have any freaking teenagers!!! good lord!

it's good that you are close with her and discuss things. i was a horrible teenager and i hid everything from my mom and discussed NOTHING (unless i was lying to cover my ass). if i could have talked to her and trusted her, things would have been alot different. i think your doing a great job!


jes

 

[toastythemosty]

RE: Find a letter...in your teenagers pocket, would you read it?

Jes,

Thanks! LOL! You made my day!
Have a great day!
Charlotte~~

 

[Mic]

RE: Find a letter...in your teenagers pocket, would you read it?

I also think it was a good idea that you read the letter. We do trust our children to a degree but just as adults sometimes make very bad decisions and feel pressured into doing things, children even more so. So I do think it's our job to step in and try to make it more difficult for them to make the wrong decision. We won't be there all the time but in the meantime we can continually try to steer them in the right direction. Lets let them learn from our mistakes. They'll make some of their own eventually but hopefully those won't have long lasting negative consequences.

 

[kellib]

RE: Find a letter...in your teenagers pocket, would you read it?

I really think you risk losing your teen's trust if you read it. it will be hard to get back once it is gone.

 

[Rose11]

RE: Find a letter...in your teenagers pocket, would you...

This is why I can't have children. I love kids but I don't think I would be able to deal with stuff like this without going psycho. I have a teenage niece (15yo) and a teenage nephew (13yo) and another niece that's 12. They talk so openly about sex stuff is scary. I mean I'm just 26 and by no means a prude, but I think the sexual talk in teenagers lately is just too much. How can you talk about it and be curious without actually wanting to try it? It's almost impossible.

Charlotte, that bf of your daughter is not going to rest until he has sex with her. He's not, I repeat, HE IS NOT, going to change his mind. Your daughter will fall for his crap or they will eventually break up which is going to be the best thing that's ever happened to her. He's totally disgusting. Using words like rape in a letter? I mean how "romantic"!!! If I were you I'd beat his little sicko a**. I don't defend the fact that you were reading her letters, but you certainly had reason to. I would also have a talk with your daughter about her self esteem. Why does she feel that she has to go out with a guy like this? If she made up her mind about sex already and she wants to wait until she's married, why does this idiot disrespects her choices? I mean I know the whole bad boy thing. I have dated all kinds of bad boys especially at her age. But thankfully I never had sex when I was a teenager. Looking back I know that the way my parents raised me was the key. Plus I was very mature at an early age. I wish you luck on this one and yes Ashley's dad can have a "talk" with the bf. I know my dad used to scare away all the psychos that wanted to have sex with me when I was a teenager. I used to hate it, but now I'm thankful.