Find a letter... in your teenagers pocket, would you read it?
- Thread starter toastythemosty
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toastythemosty
Cathlete
RE: Find a letter...in your teenagers pocket, would you read it?
Suppose to read...Find a letter...in your teenagers pocket, would you read it?
Charlotte~~
Suppose to read...Find a letter...in your teenagers pocket, would you read it?
Charlotte~~
dss62467
Cathlete
RE: Find a letter...in your teenagers pocket, would you read it?
Only if I felt there was something going on with my child that was out of sorts (maybe seeing someone who she shouldn't, taking drugs, etc.) If she had, up to that point, been trustworthy I would absolutely not read it. My mother read my diary once and I was horrified. There was nothing in there to give her concern, but I was so embarrassed.
Since my daughter is still just a preschooler, I can't say for sure. I have my plans on how my relationship will be with her, but as I've found out since I brought her home the hospital, nothing happens exactly as we plan. I will do everything that I can to develop an open relationship with her, so she will be comfortable talking to me. I've already shared things with her that have happened to me at work that make me less than perfect, just so she will see me as human and willing to talk about things that aren't great. I'm not going to hide things from her, so hopefully she will reciprocate when she's older.
Only if I felt there was something going on with my child that was out of sorts (maybe seeing someone who she shouldn't, taking drugs, etc.) If she had, up to that point, been trustworthy I would absolutely not read it. My mother read my diary once and I was horrified. There was nothing in there to give her concern, but I was so embarrassed.
Since my daughter is still just a preschooler, I can't say for sure. I have my plans on how my relationship will be with her, but as I've found out since I brought her home the hospital, nothing happens exactly as we plan. I will do everything that I can to develop an open relationship with her, so she will be comfortable talking to me. I've already shared things with her that have happened to me at work that make me less than perfect, just so she will see me as human and willing to talk about things that aren't great. I'm not going to hide things from her, so hopefully she will reciprocate when she's older.
wendymin72
Cathlete
RE: Find a letter...in your teenagers pocket, would you...
I agree with Donna.
I would HOPE that I would NOT read it unless I had reason to suspect something was "up" with my kid...
Have a great work out!
~Wendy~
I smoked my last cigarette on March 17, 2004 at 10:00 pm!
http://lilypie.com/days/050519/1/0/1/-5/.png[/img][/url]
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I agree with Donna.
I would HOPE that I would NOT read it unless I had reason to suspect something was "up" with my kid...
Have a great work out!
~Wendy~
I smoked my last cigarette on March 17, 2004 at 10:00 pm!
http://lilypie.com/days/050519/1/0/1/-5/.png[/img][/url]
http://www.picturetrail.com/gallery/view?WENDYMIN
candi
Cathlete
RE: Find a letter...in your teenagers pocket, would you...
When my daughter was a teenager, I did have a reason to suspect something was out of sorts. Reading her notes was the WISEST thing I ever did. If things seemed okay, I probably wouldn't have felt compelled to invade her privacy.
When my daughter was a teenager, I did have a reason to suspect something was out of sorts. Reading her notes was the WISEST thing I ever did. If things seemed okay, I probably wouldn't have felt compelled to invade her privacy.
toastythemosty
Cathlete
RE: Find a letter...in your teenagers pocket, would you...
O.k., I will admit that I started this poll for a reason. I don't trust my DD boyfriend. Found a letter in pocket before washing and now I know her boyfriend has been pressuring her into having sex. She has already told him that she is saving herself for her marriage and made a commitment to God. We talk alot so when I read this, it made me burning mad especially some parts too about "raping her little teddy bear" that she gave him to hold onto.
Yeah, I know it wasn't right to read the letter since we do have a very close relationship, and she knows she can talk to me about anything and I feel I betrayed her, but I also want the best for her, and he is not it. Hope she dumps him.
Charlotte~~
O.k., I will admit that I started this poll for a reason. I don't trust my DD boyfriend. Found a letter in pocket before washing and now I know her boyfriend has been pressuring her into having sex. She has already told him that she is saving herself for her marriage and made a commitment to God. We talk alot so when I read this, it made me burning mad especially some parts too about "raping her little teddy bear" that she gave him to hold onto.
Yeah, I know it wasn't right to read the letter since we do have a very close relationship, and she knows she can talk to me about anything and I feel I betrayed her, but I also want the best for her, and he is not it. Hope she dumps him.
Charlotte~~
candi
Cathlete
RE: Find a letter...in your teenagers pocket, would you...
Charlotte,
Hang in there, girlfriend. I know this is real difficult stuff. Now that you have this knowledge, maybe you could think of a creative way to have a conversation on the subject.
If I had it to do over again, I would have listened more than lectured. I'm not saying lecturing is your style but it was mine. DH is a counselor and he says the best thing to do is to ask many questions to get an idea where their head is at.
Charlotte,
Hang in there, girlfriend. I know this is real difficult stuff. Now that you have this knowledge, maybe you could think of a creative way to have a conversation on the subject.
If I had it to do over again, I would have listened more than lectured. I'm not saying lecturing is your style but it was mine. DH is a counselor and he says the best thing to do is to ask many questions to get an idea where their head is at.
RE: Find a letter...in your teenagers pocket, would you read it?
My mom read my letters when I was a teenager and I'm thankful she did. I was pressured into a lot of things that I wouldn't have normally done. She probably had a suspection that I wasn't acting normal and if she wouldn't have read them who knows where I would have ended up. Don't get me wrong I was FUMING mad when I found out but looking back I'm so glad she cared enough to do it!
My mom read my letters when I was a teenager and I'm thankful she did. I was pressured into a lot of things that I wouldn't have normally done. She probably had a suspection that I wasn't acting normal and if she wouldn't have read them who knows where I would have ended up. Don't get me wrong I was FUMING mad when I found out but looking back I'm so glad she cared enough to do it!
toastythemosty
Cathlete
RE: Find a letter...in your teenagers pocket, would you...
Candi,
My DH is going to have a very creative conversation with DB on the subject matter. We both trust Ashley, but the boy needs to hear from dear ole' dad. ;-)
Charlotte~~~
Candi,
My DH is going to have a very creative conversation with DB on the subject matter. We both trust Ashley, but the boy needs to hear from dear ole' dad. ;-)
Charlotte~~~
Conni
Cathlete
RE: Find a letter...in your teenagers pocket, would you read it?
By all means read it. Communication with teenagers is sketchy at best, any insight you can get is to your advantage. Remember, the bottom line here is not to be nosy, it is to gain information that will help you be a better parent for your teen. This is such a crucial time for character development, you use any tool you can to help you do what you need to do, including sleep at night!!!
Been there, done that, am really glad I did!
;-)
By all means read it. Communication with teenagers is sketchy at best, any insight you can get is to your advantage. Remember, the bottom line here is not to be nosy, it is to gain information that will help you be a better parent for your teen. This is such a crucial time for character development, you use any tool you can to help you do what you need to do, including sleep at night!!!
Been there, done that, am really glad I did!
;-)
dss62467
Cathlete
RE: Find a letter...in your teenagers pocket, would you...
Charlotte, it sounds like your daughter has her priorities straight and has enough self-esteem and respect to realize that what he wants is not as important as what she wants. Good for you! Has your husband talked to her about sex? I read a book that says that the most important relationship that a girl has is the one she has with her father. It's very important that she gets a good conversation about sex from her father. I think it has to do with the fact that he can give an honest point of view from the male side.
I already told my husband he will have to talk about it with our daughter. I'm sure he will hate every minute of it!
Charlotte, it sounds like your daughter has her priorities straight and has enough self-esteem and respect to realize that what he wants is not as important as what she wants. Good for you! Has your husband talked to her about sex? I read a book that says that the most important relationship that a girl has is the one she has with her father. It's very important that she gets a good conversation about sex from her father. I think it has to do with the fact that he can give an honest point of view from the male side.
I already told my husband he will have to talk about it with our daughter. I'm sure he will hate every minute of it!
candi
Cathlete
RE: Find a letter...in your teenagers pocket, would you...
I just envisioned my Dad talking to me about sex and got the creeps
x( . But my Dad and I were not close....not hardly.
I thought the close relationship between Dad and Daughter had to do with him being a role model for a future husband. I didn't know talking about sex was part of the equation. I'd have to do more research on that before I believed it.
I just envisioned my Dad talking to me about sex and got the creeps
x( . But my Dad and I were not close....not hardly.
I thought the close relationship between Dad and Daughter had to do with him being a role model for a future husband. I didn't know talking about sex was part of the equation. I'd have to do more research on that before I believed it.
RE: Find a letter...in your teenagers pocket, would you read it?
My dad gave my brother and me the birds & bees talk, and he was very professional and clinical about it. He had out a chalkboard and drew pictures and everything. I wasn't embarrassed, and was actually very glad he gave us the talk rather than our mom.
My dad gave my brother and me the birds & bees talk, and he was very professional and clinical about it. He had out a chalkboard and drew pictures and everything. I wasn't embarrassed, and was actually very glad he gave us the talk rather than our mom.
RE: Find a letter...in your teenagers pocket, would you read it?
I would not read the letter, and I would take it to my daughter and give it to her, telling her I had found it in her pocket, had respected her privacy, but was honestly very curious. I would tell her that I didn't want to read it, but would voice my concerns about her boyfriend. In other words, I would use the unread letter as a stepping stone to bring up another topic that I did want to discuss, and to show my daughter that while I was very curious about her life, I respected her privacy. I'd leave it with, "if you want to talk about anything, let me know". Oh, and if I suspected the letter was from her boyfriend, and that he was trying to get her to have sex, I'd bring that up, too...maybe not at the same time I gave the letter back, but soon thereafter.
I would not read the letter, and I would take it to my daughter and give it to her, telling her I had found it in her pocket, had respected her privacy, but was honestly very curious. I would tell her that I didn't want to read it, but would voice my concerns about her boyfriend. In other words, I would use the unread letter as a stepping stone to bring up another topic that I did want to discuss, and to show my daughter that while I was very curious about her life, I respected her privacy. I'd leave it with, "if you want to talk about anything, let me know". Oh, and if I suspected the letter was from her boyfriend, and that he was trying to get her to have sex, I'd bring that up, too...maybe not at the same time I gave the letter back, but soon thereafter.
toastythemosty
Cathlete
RE: Find a letter...in your teenagers pocket, would you read it?
Ash and I talk about sex all the time....almost once a week. I am always warning her of what that boyfriend of hers might want to do next. I tell her it can come in "steps"...so she already knows what might be coming before it comes. Believe me, we discuss in detail so she knows. I know all the looks too, and I warned her about those too...the "goo-goo" look like the boy is just going to die if he can't have what he wants. Oh, brother!
Does anyone remember those looks?
Charlotte~~
Ash and I talk about sex all the time....almost once a week. I am always warning her of what that boyfriend of hers might want to do next. I tell her it can come in "steps"...so she already knows what might be coming before it comes. Believe me, we discuss in detail so she knows. I know all the looks too, and I warned her about those too...the "goo-goo" look like the boy is just going to die if he can't have what he wants. Oh, brother!
Does anyone remember those looks?
Charlotte~~
kathryn
Cathlete
RE: Find a letter...in your teenagers pocket, would you read it?
The "raping her Teddy Bear" part (and that choice of words in particular) disturbs me more than the actual "pressure to have sex" part (which is a typical teen pressure, and which can be dealt with). I'm assuming the Teddy Bear is a stand-in for your daughter. What might he do to HER in the future?
The "raping her Teddy Bear" part (and that choice of words in particular) disturbs me more than the actual "pressure to have sex" part (which is a typical teen pressure, and which can be dealt with). I'm assuming the Teddy Bear is a stand-in for your daughter. What might he do to HER in the future?
toastythemosty
Cathlete
RE: Find a letter...in your teenagers pocket, would you read it?
About the teddy bear...
I am right with you on that, Kathryn! Makes me wonder what other thoughts or moves he has in that mind of his. It is just not a pretty picture. My hubby and I have tried taking the boy "under our wings" because he does have a troubled past, but around us portrayed "a nice boy" image, of course. ;-) We actually thought we might be able to help him by helping him with his confidence, instead of putting him down all the time as I suspect is the case at home, etc. Now I am thinking, that he is just entertaining himself, and we our be taken.
Sad, really is. You open your heart, gets crushed...so use to it.
Charlotte~~
About the teddy bear...
I am right with you on that, Kathryn! Makes me wonder what other thoughts or moves he has in that mind of his. It is just not a pretty picture. My hubby and I have tried taking the boy "under our wings" because he does have a troubled past, but around us portrayed "a nice boy" image, of course. ;-) We actually thought we might be able to help him by helping him with his confidence, instead of putting him down all the time as I suspect is the case at home, etc. Now I am thinking, that he is just entertaining himself, and we our be taken.
Sad, really is. You open your heart, gets crushed...so use to it.
Charlotte~~