Its Been A While!

ashaw

ashaw

Cathlete
Its been awhile since I've been on the forum and I, like probably everyone else, have taken advantage of that huge DVD and equipment sale, although I only bought some DVD's to round out my collection. I felt sad when I read about Cathe's decision to go to streaming only, although I know its probably easier for her in the long run, I loved it that she still produced DVD's for those of us who prefer that option as well as can't afford a yearly membership fee or don't have the internet speed to support it.

I'm still living with my mom and stepdad and I've been working at restaurant called Mod Pizza since December. I'm working a few days a week and have been working in the back doing morning prep since shortly after I started. A few days after Christmas, they had me thrown onto the pizza makeline with only one other person who was running the pizza oven and I was struggling to keep up with large parties, multiple pizzas and running the register. The person I was working with was getting irritated with me because I was having trouble keeping up. Its the first time in my working life that I came very close to clocking out and walking off the job. We almost always have two people on the line and one running the oven. So, I'm glad I didn't because apparently, I was an epic fail at making pizzas, but I've caught on to working prep and am loving it. I get to work at 8:30 AM (great hours for a early morning exerciser!) with another manager and take inventory of the make lines, the coolers underneath and the walk in cooler and see what we have on hand versus what we need for the day, as well as making teas and lemonades and every now and then getting called to press out dough. I'm off by 12:30 - 1:00.

My mom's dementia has gotten significantly worse since I've been here. She has had far fewer mood swings that I've been on the receiving end of but she's just overall been very confused. Yesterday, I had to go over the "timeline" of her life starting in 1995 when she and my dad divorced to when she and my stepdad married in 2001 to now. My stepdad is so loving and patient with her and he told me the other day that he appreciates my being here. One thing is sure, Luca can always turn my mom's frowns upside down. She loves petting Luca and taking her out in the backyard.

My husband and I have been talking but I haven't seen any real change in him since I left last June. He has applied to substitute teach but we're only 2 months away from the end of school. He says he wants to work yet he will not apply for any job just to have income. People have kept giving him money and I don't know how he's survived since I left. He said something the other day that he couldn't have bought groceries if not for his credit card. I guess I've had to "keep the door open" with him so to speak because things are very unpredictable around here. My mom doesn't know my stepdad all the time and has told him more than once that he will have to leave the house. There will come a day and I'm afraid its going to be sooner than I think, that she won't know me and if she ever insists that I leave, I'll have to do whatever it takes to keep peace.

I love doing back of house restaurant work but I don't think similar jobs pay very much and I have no desire to work in management at a restaurant. I'm currently looking into something called "scoping". Its where you work with court reporters and you edit and correct their reports using special translation software. I've found a school and been talking back and forth with the owner as well as to two references she gave me. While I don't have any experience in proofreading or editing, I'm a grammar nerd and can catch typos and grammatical mistakes across the room. It would allow me to work from home, which I really loved doing. Also, should anything arise where I have to leave here abruptly, I don't have to worry about leaving a job and having to look for another one as I'm living 35 miles away from my old part of town. Because I'm not working much, I have extra time to devote to education.

I'm just checking out some Cathe rotations and am feeling nostalgic for her older workouts like ICE, Strong & Sweaty and the 2013 series.
 
Nice to hear from you Ashaw…so glad you have a job that you are liking, and still
checking out other options too. So sorry about your mom’s declining health, and it
may be a blessing you are there, with Luca, at this time to help out, & for Luca to
help as well, by bringing a smile & comfort to your mom.

Hang in there! & take care.
 
Seriously :) .
I'm glad you're still around and enjoying your workouts. I'm sorry to hear of your mother's medical condition - so hard! But it's good you and Luca can be there to help with her in this stage of life. My sis worked at Pizza Hut while in college, so your work story brought back lots of memories and laughs (although some of it wasn't so funny living through it, but we can laugh now almost 50 years later :p).
 
Ashaw so good to hear from you. I worked in a pizza headquarters for about 5-6 years but we all had to work in a pizza store for one week. I have to say it was not an easy job, and so glad when it was over. Not sure how it is in the back but being on the front line, ugh. I was thankful for going back to the headquarters to my desk job. I give you credit for doing that job. Brings back memories and we even had pizza taste testing (where they gave you three pieces of pizza and they wanted you to see which one has the best sauce/cheese/dough). They did this a couple times a week, but it was nice as it was a free dinner and my shift was 2pm-10pm as I was dealing with customers on the west coast. It was a nice job but then that dept was stopped and i found a new job at a university. Those were fun times though.

Sorry to hear about your mom's declining health but so nice to hear Luca can put a smile to her face.
 
Hey thanks for the sweet words y'all! Its been a long 9 months. I was thankful to get hired at Mod Pizza because I'd been turned down at Walgreens and Kroger and never heard back from Jason's Deli, the Goodwill Store, Wal-Mart, the vet clinic near my house or the Walgreens Pharmacy Tech apprentice program. I did think I had a chance at a holiday help job at the Kohl's down the street, the automated application system emailed me the next day to set up an interview but the problem was I couldn't schedule my virtual interview for 2 weeks and the day of the interview, I got a call about 20 minutes before my scheduled time that they were already fully staffed for the holidays. I was afraid of that because there's only so many extras that a store can take on and Kohls was one of the few that was still hiring for holiday help.

Yes, this is my first experience working at a restaurant and I'm so glad I'm been moved to back of house. If I were to go work at another pizza restaurant, I'd go to a Domino's or Pizza Hut where its only take out or delivery. I didn't realize how bad my anxiety was until I stepped out onto the makeline and was waiting on customers. I did OK until it got really busy. I remember my last day of making pizzas, I had these large parties of 10 or so people and it was like 3 adult pizzas and 3 kids pizzas and all the tickets had to be handwritten. The shift captain was getting aggravated with me and I told him I was having trouble keeping up. We always have one person running the oven and two on the makelines and I remember that Saturday, I kept thinking, surely Makaela is coming in, surely Ashley is coming in. Nope! I've been on back of house ever since and love it. Its busy work, its physical work and the time flies by. Plus I still get tips, which are divided up among all of us based on how many hours we work. I usually get an extra $80 - $100 in each paycheck.

That's so funny about your sister working at Pizza Hut. I remember going there when I was a kid. The red and white checker tablecloths, the red stained glass lamps above each table, and the bright red pointy roof! That was back when Pizza Hut was an actual dine in restaurant and not just a take out or delivery only place. And yes, I do come home smelling like everything that goes on a pizza. The worst is when I accidentally spill some of the juice on myself that the chopped garlic comes in. Our dough is shipped to us in rounds and kept in the walk in freezer. Every night, someone on the closing crew, pulls dough in the trays for the next day.

I'm thankful I'm getting this time with my mom because she's made a significant decline since I've been here. Everyday I have to go over the same things with her - that she and my stepdad are married, she has nothing to worry about financially, this is her home, and my dad (her ex) has been out of the picture for 30 years. My husband and I have been talking since October and he's said he wants me to come back only when he has steady income, the only problem is he's not really looking for a job, so that may never happen. I'm totally out of debt thanks to the generous gift from my stepdad back in 2024. If I did go back, there would be a lot of ground rules and not getting back in debt would be one of them. He can run up his credit cards but I'm not letting that happen again with myself. I've also been fortunate enough that I'm able to save all my paychecks because I just don't know what's going to happen. I'm working very part time hours now and its been a good thing because my stepdad doesn't feel comfortable leaving my mom alone for more than an hour. So, I've been with her enabling him to have dinner with his son twice, coffee with his other son twice and Thursday, I'll be with her because he has to meet with his attorney to make his oldest son his executor of his will as my mom is not mentally able to serve in that capacity.

Since I've been here my workouts have changed too. I'm more mentally tired, my sleep isn't as good so I'm sticking to things that are around 30-35 minutes. My room is also upstairs so I'm trying to limit jumping and I'm looking at a soundproof mat. I actually have done 21 Day Fix Extreme a few times as well as the Beachbody program Muscle Burns Fat. I'm trying to look at some time saver premixes so I can do some Cathe dvd's. Unlike the Hot Girl STS 2.0 summer of 2023, I nothing close to that level of energy now.
 
aqua girl said:
Yes indeed, I remember that, we were all going to pile into your car, convertible, if I
remember correctly :), and go pick up our dvds!!! :):)
Click to expand...
Good memory! Yes you’re absolutely right! We were going to have a celebration parade to get our dvds! I think I was going to be the official grand marshal escort for the armada of ups trucks!!!
 
Debinmi said:
Well, that's what my sis thought when she first took the job. OMG. She stunk of pizza at the end of her shift. I mean stunk! And we love pizza too, but OMG, the smell. LOL. We're both laughing now talking about how bad it was. And the pressure on those cooks/line workers on busy days/nights - it is just as ashaw describes - really hard to keep up .... think of Lucy on that assembly line lol. And back then you had to hand mix the pizza dough - that's when her carpal tunnel started - she eventually had to have surgery on both hands/wrists. It is not easy work. My hat is off to you ashaw, and all other workers who make and serve us our favorite pizzas! :)
Click to expand...
I remember the Lucy episode where her and Ethyl were on the banana line dipping them in chocolate. That was so funny!
 
ashaw said:
Hey thanks for the sweet words y'all! Its been a long 9 months. I was thankful to get hired at Mod Pizza because I'd been turned down at Walgreens and Kroger and never heard back from Jason's Deli, the Goodwill Store, Wal-Mart, the vet clinic near my house or the Walgreens Pharmacy Tech apprentice program. I did think I had a chance at a holiday help job at the Kohl's down the street, the automated application system emailed me the next day to set up an interview but the problem was I couldn't schedule my virtual interview for 2 weeks and the day of the interview, I got a call about 20 minutes before my scheduled time that they were already fully staffed for the holidays. I was afraid of that because there's only so many extras that a store can take on and Kohls was one of the few that was still hiring for holiday help.

Yes, this is my first experience working at a restaurant and I'm so glad I'm been moved to back of house. If I were to go work at another pizza restaurant, I'd go to a Domino's or Pizza Hut where its only take out or delivery. I didn't realize how bad my anxiety was until I stepped out onto the makeline and was waiting on customers. I did OK until it got really busy. I remember my last day of making pizzas, I had these large parties of 10 or so people and it was like 3 adult pizzas and 3 kids pizzas and all the tickets had to be handwritten. The shift captain was getting aggravated with me and I told him I was having trouble keeping up. We always have one person running the oven and two on the makelines and I remember that Saturday, I kept thinking, surely Makaela is coming in, surely Ashley is coming in. Nope! I've been on back of house ever since and love it. Its busy work, its physical work and the time flies by. Plus I still get tips, which are divided up among all of us based on how many hours we work. I usually get an extra $80 - $100 in each paycheck.

That's so funny about your sister working at Pizza Hut. I remember going there when I was a kid. The red and white checker tablecloths, the red stained glass lamps above each table, and the bright red pointy roof! That was back when Pizza Hut was an actual dine in restaurant and not just a take out or delivery only place. And yes, I do come home smelling like everything that goes on a pizza. The worst is when I accidentally spill some of the juice on myself that the chopped garlic comes in. Our dough is shipped to us in rounds and kept in the walk in freezer. Every night, someone on the closing crew, pulls dough in the trays for the next day.

I'm thankful I'm getting this time with my mom because she's made a significant decline since I've been here. Everyday I have to go over the same things with her - that she and my stepdad are married, she has nothing to worry about financially, this is her home, and my dad (her ex) has been out of the picture for 30 years. My husband and I have been talking since October and he's said he wants me to come back only when he has steady income, the only problem is he's not really looking for a job, so that may never happen. I'm totally out of debt thanks to the generous gift from my stepdad back in 2024. If I did go back, there would be a lot of ground rules and not getting back in debt would be one of them. He can run up his credit cards but I'm not letting that happen again with myself. I've also been fortunate enough that I'm able to save all my paychecks because I just don't know what's going to happen. I'm working very part time hours now and its been a good thing because my stepdad doesn't feel comfortable leaving my mom alone for more than an hour. So, I've been with her enabling him to have dinner with his son twice, coffee with his other son twice and Thursday, I'll be with her because he has to meet with his attorney to make his oldest son his executor of his will as my mom is not mentally able to serve in that capacity.

Since I've been here my workouts have changed too. I'm more mentally tired, my sleep isn't as good so I'm sticking to things that are around 30-35 minutes. My room is also upstairs so I'm trying to limit jumping and I'm looking at a soundproof mat. I actually have done 21 Day Fix Extreme a few times as well as the Beachbody program Muscle Burns Fat. I'm trying to look at some time saver premixes so I can do some Cathe dvd's. Unlike the Hot Girl STS 2.0 summer of 2023, I nothing close to that level of energy now.
Click to expand...

I'm glad you're doing so well, and it's great to hear from you. :).

The anxiety is normal. I set goals for myself that helped me to overcome much of it over time. I also do Tai Chi on my active recovery days, and I've found that very helpful (calming).

I don't want to worry you, but you need to check the laws in your state. In my state... if one person runs up debt while separated (if not legally separated and filed at the courthouse), the debt is considered "joint". The monies you are saving from your job are also considered "joint". Hopefully, your state is different, but if it's not... you'll need to find a way to protect yourself financially.

Luca sounds like a blessing to you all. I'm so glad you are there to help your mom and step-dad and to share the joy and peace of Luca with your mom. Have you or your step-dad tried experimenting with music to help jog your mom's memory? I've learned to dance, and I feel safer with a crowd that is older than I. There are 2 adult children that drop their mom's off where I dance. Both mom's have severe dementia, but the older music played where I dance... it's amazing. These 2 ladies come in confused and disoriented. We watch over them until the band starts to play... then, they suddenly know how to purchase their own drink, where they are, and they remember the friends they'd made before the dementia set in. I will likely always be a "new" face to them, even though I've interacted with them for 2 years, but the friends they'd had before... they "know" them and even laugh together and share memories together. They recognize the adult children that come to pick them up. The children say it's their favorite time with their parent... that pick-up... because they don't have to explain who they are.

I don't know how your mom and dad are doing financially? But in my state... one can have the state provide services for someone in your mom's situation. Those services can be provided by anyone over 18, including a family member. The family member/s get paid for providing the services. It could be an additional income source for your step-dad, as well as for you. In Iowa, it's called a "waiver" and they have ID (intellectual disability), chronic illness, brain injury, elderly, and a bunch of other categories. Ours involve applying through CCO (Consumer Choice Option), but it used to be through our Department of Human Resources, so if you're interested... that's where I'd start, and DHS (or whatever it's called in your state) can refer you where you need to go. It is a paperwork nightmare to apply, but this program pays for services for the one in need. It also allots her an amount that can be spent on home/car modifications (ex. if she's having trouble with balance... handrails, handicap accessible bath/shower, etc.). More than one service provider can be hired or added and subtracted, so if you moved out... your step-dad could hire another caregiver so that he's not the only provider. If he chooses not to hire himself, he'd also have the option of respite for her (in Iowa, you can't use respite if you yourself are also the provider). If needed, nurses would come to the home and be covered under the same waiver. Travel expenses (doctor's appointments and such) are reimbursed. There are other benefits as well, but I'm not familiar with all of the waivers and how they work. But it might be worth checking into.

You've achieved a lot in less than a year. I hope you see that. What you've been through... it's rough, and you are doing amazing. :)
 
Braille said:
I'm glad you're doing so well, and it's great to hear from you. :).

The anxiety is normal. I set goals for myself that helped me to overcome much of it over time. I also do Tai Chi on my active recovery days, and I've found that very helpful (calming).

I don't want to worry you, but you need to check the laws in your state. In my state... if one person runs up debt while separated (if not legally separated and filed at the courthouse), the debt is considered "joint". The monies you are saving from your job are also considered "joint". Hopefully, your state is different, but if it's not... you'll need to find a way to protect yourself financially.

Luca sounds like a blessing to you all. I'm so glad you are there to help your mom and step-dad and to share the joy and peace of Luca with your mom. Have you or your step-dad tried experimenting with music to help jog your mom's memory? I've learned to dance, and I feel safer with a crowd that is older than I. There are 2 adult children that drop their mom's off where I dance. Both mom's have severe dementia, but the older music played where I dance... it's amazing. These 2 ladies come in confused and disoriented. We watch over them until the band starts to play... then, they suddenly know how to purchase their own drink, where they are, and they remember the friends they'd made before the dementia set in. I will likely always be a "new" face to them, even though I've interacted with them for 2 years, but the friends they'd had before... they "know" them and even laugh together and share memories together. They recognize the adult children that come to pick them up. The children say it's their favorite time with their parent... that pick-up... because they don't have to explain who they are.

I don't know how your mom and dad are doing financially? But in my state... one can have the state provide services for someone in your mom's situation. Those services can be provided by anyone over 18, including a family member. The family member/s get paid for providing the services. It could be an additional income source for your step-dad, as well as for you. In Iowa, it's called a "waiver" and they have ID (intellectual disability), chronic illness, brain injury, elderly, and a bunch of other categories. Ours involve applying through CCO (Consumer Choice Option), but it used to be through our Department of Human Resources, so if you're interested... that's where I'd start, and DHS (or whatever it's called in your state) can refer you where you need to go. It is a paperwork nightmare to apply, but this program pays for services for the one in need. It also allots her an amount that can be spent on home/car modifications (ex. if she's having trouble with balance... handrails, handicap accessible bath/shower, etc.). More than one service provider can be hired or added and subtracted, so if you moved out... your step-dad could hire another caregiver so that he's not the only provider. If he chooses not to hire himself, he'd also have the option of respite for her (in Iowa, you can't use respite if you yourself are also the provider). If needed, nurses would come to the home and be covered under the same waiver. Travel expenses (doctor's appointments and such) are reimbursed. There are other benefits as well, but I'm not familiar with all of the waivers and how they work. But it might be worth checking into.

You've achieved a lot in less than a year. I hope you see that. What you've been through... it's rough, and you are doing amazing. :)
Click to expand...
Hey thank you so much! You are so kind and I appreciate your reply.

Fortunately, my stepdad is pretty well off financially. He retired from Exxon Mobil after 35 years as a financial analyst, in fact I just heard him say this morning that his stock is doing well but he doesn't want to sell it because of the tax he would owe on it. He worked hard, saved his money and even told me a while back that his wishes are that my mom will be taken care of the rest of her life. His oldest son, who's a great guy, is aware of this and has his blessings on this. Between half his social security, half his pension, some life insurance and the money she has (stock, IRA, savings), she should be OK. Now, if my stepdad become incapacitated for some reason it would be a whole different story because he does just about everything - grocery shopping, finances, house related matters.

I think Texas has a program where you can get paid by the state to take care of a loved one, but like you said in Iowa, the paperwork is a nightmare and Texas has even stricter qualifications, like you have to be eligible for Medicaid. Her personal savings alone would disqualify her. In my mom's situation, she is still able to pick clothes and dress herself, bathe/shower, take care of her hair, she can use the washer/dryer, she can fix microwave meals, she can use her treadmill. She voluntarily chose to give up driving right around the time covid hit. She sees a neurologist, in fact, they are going this Wednesday and I think my stepdad is going to talk to the doctor about some of the agitation she's experiencing. She takes a small sleeping pill, I think its half a lorazepam but it doesn't seem to help her sleep or make her feel relaxed. She gets confused and thinks that other people live here. But there hasn't been anything close to the mood swings that hit shortly after I got here last summer, but there are times where I can see it coming. Then it passes just as fast as it hits.

My mom's not a very social person by nature and those dance classes sound wonderful but that wouldn't be her cup of tea.

I'm very stressed right now trying to deal with my husband and that situation. I thought I'd have figured out what I want to do by now but I haven't. And time is going so fast that its already closing in on a year since I left. When we first stated talking, he told me that he and his counselor discussed that "I wouldn't come back until he had steady income". That was a relief because I knew that would buy me a lot of time because I've been waiting for years while we were still together for him to have steady income. He's been getting by somehow because his friends have kept giving him money. I really thought that he would've hit bottom by now. Last night he started telling me that I needed to come back even if he didn't have income. He's interviewing tomorrow to sub teach but there's only 2 months left of school and he got mad when I told him that I wanted to see him actually hold down this job IF he gets hired. From what I read, not everyone who applies to sub teach gets hired. I also told him that if he had a job, my mom and stepdad, although they wouldn't be pleased, it would be more favorable if he did have income. I've been so upset by this that I've woken up at 2:45 the past two nights and its wrecked my days. I haven't told my mom and stepdad that we're talking but at some point I need to talk to my stepdad. Its gotten more difficult to do that because my mom's gotten worse since I've been here and he's more stressed. Right now I feel like I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't.

As far as joint stuff, I'm pretty certain that if a credit card account is not joint, which none of ours are, then the only person liable for the debt is the person who holds the account. The tax debt from 2018 is a bit more concerning for me. In fact, that was one of the things that held me hostage. And still does to a point. I've never been in a bigger mess in my life. And there's no easy way of dealing with this either. But thank you for your support and kind words.
 
Gosh ashaw, such a difficult situation. You're not asking for any advice and I have none to offer anyways except to take care of your physical, mental, emotional, social and spiritual needs. It sounds really hard to be in your moccasins right now. My heart feels for you. I wish you strength, grace and wisdom as you and your family work through this. My best to you.
 
It sounds like your mom still does a lot for ourself. Dementia is so complicated... I never know which one's decrease independence along with the memory loss. I didn't think your mom would necessarily dance though. I was thinking more about playing music at home from the time periods you want her to remember. If you found a song that worked... you and Step-Dad could play it first thing in the morning so that maybe your mom would be less disoriented? I have no idea if it would work. I've just seen music doing amazing things for people. I used it for speech therapy for my son when he was little.

It sounds like you've already familiarized with TX law and how assets/debt will be handled, so don't put pressure on yourself to make a choice regarding your ex. With a decision this important... I think it's best not to have a "deadline". This is YOUR life we're talking about, so you decide "when" and "what" works best for you. You are thinking clearly and recognize that 2 months of work is not "stable" income and would not count as a permanent change in your husband's behaviors. It doesn't sound like your husband actually wants to change. With him having friends that keep giving him money... he has no motive to do more than the bare minimum. You'll decide when you're ready, and while I think your step-dad might be surprised you've been in contact with your ex... he sounds like a man that will take the time to try to understand your reasons for it. You've come a long ways in 9 months. The way I see it... any choices you're making that don't set you backwards aren't bad choices. You have a lot going on and stress is normal. Keep doing the best you can to take care of yourself mentally and physically. Put yourself first as best you can. Easier said than done, I know. My only tip is... whenever life is beating you up... take a second to look how far you've come. I find it more powerful than mantras. You've faced fear and the unknown, found a job that you enjoy, and are getting to spend time with your folks. You've come a long way, and you deserve a moment here and there to take the time to be proud of your accomplishments. You're doing awesome!
 
Thank you both. Yes, I'm trying to take care of myself and listen to my body. I'm still working out but that has changed. Now I'm doing stuff that's 30-45 minutes. I've done 21 Day Fix Extreme, #MBF and #MBFA (I bought the Muscle Burns Fat and the Muscle Burns Fat Advanced digital downloads from Bodi) and I did a week rotation of Cathe's LITE series. Right now, sleep is my biggest issue. My mom gets cold, in fact last night, the ac was on 75 and she was still cold, and I'm always warm, so its been challenging. Back in September, I spent around $1300 on the Perfectly Snug cooling mattress topper and its helped a lot but right now I'm waking up around 3 or 4 and can't go back to sleep. When I sleep I can handle just about anything that comes my way. I was used to sleeping on a queen bed in a 71 degree house. Sometimes my mom turns it up to 76 and we're both sleeping upstairs and it gets so much hotter up here. And summer is fast approaching too.

Right now, I feel like I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. I'm caught between my husband and my mom and stepdad. And you're right, 2 months of sporadic sub teaching isn't steady income. He did tell me yesterday that he was hired to sub teach but he has to get on some website at 5 AM every morning to see what openings are available. He's going to be in a for a rude awakening because he can't just come and go as he pleases. Supposedly he says he can start Monday. I'll believe it when I see it. I also told him that if he was employed it would go a long way with making things more favorable with my mom and stepdad. Right now I haven't talked to my stepdad about anything because he's been dealing with a lot with my mom right now. I did see where her neurologist put her on Rexulti, which is given for anxiety, depression and dementia related restlessness and agitation.

If I do go back, I'm going to have my own "ground rules". There won't be anymore of this living off my credit cards. I was fortunate, that thanks to that gift from my stepdad, I'm totally out of debt and have like an 825 credit score. I'm not going back to that place again. I used to tell him that if we didn't have all those minimum payments, we could almost make ends meet.

I do know that I wouldn't be living here if the foreclosure hadn't happened. The other thing is, my husband personally knows the managers at two popular restaurants close to where he lives. Now that I've got back of house experience, I might stand a change of getting my foot in the door. I really do like working back of house. Its calming, I get to work independently and I don't feel like I'm going to have panic attacks. The other day my husband said that I needed to "apply for a job out of my comfort zone" and I clapped back and said, I did, I've never worked at a restaurant before. I also told him why do I want to put myself in a position that will only exacerbate my anxiety? And there's a difference between stepping out of one's comfort zone and knowing one's limitations.

But you're right, he can say all this stuff but there is no timeline or deadline on my end. I guess though, another reason I've had to keep the door open with him so to speak is because of the uncertainty with my mom's health. And when I got here last summer, things were really bad at times. A few weeks ago, she was in a bad mood and when I went to the bathroom, I found a lot of my things on the counter and my toothbrush, hairbrush and some other things in a plastic bag with some dirty washrags. And I know the day will come when she won't know me anymore. In fact, I'm not sure if she's capable of having a phone conversation when she's having a bad day.

I'm just trying to take one day at a time.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Our Newsletter

Get awesome content delivered straight to your inbox.

Top