A Long Time Coming

[ashaw]

I haven’t been active on this forum much, but I wanted to add my congratulations! That’s fantastic and I hope you find a good job with wonderful colleagues.

if you haven’t already and if you have the capacity for it, I second the recommendation to consult with an attorney with experience in family law and bankruptcy. There may be things you can do to protect yourself, even if you aren’t prepared to divorce right now.

In addition to legal aid, if you have universities with law schools in your area, you might wish to check to see if they run low cost (or no cost) legal clinics. The law school’s website might list its clinics. The students are generally very caring and the faculty appreciate when their students can work on cases with various complexities (and they ensure the students provide you with good legal representation).

Thank you so much everyone! I'm scheduled for my American Heart Assn Basic Life Support and AED Training on the evening of Jan 25. I'm going to hit the ground running tomorrow after I do Athletic Training and get the ball rolling on finding out my eligibility to take a PT Tech/Aide certification exam. Its not really necessary, but because I'm trying to start a career in a field where I have no prior experience, I'm hoping that education will set me apart as well as make me look totally work ready as I'll have the BLS certification which is required for virtually every medical field job.

I feel overwhelmed at times because I get zero support from my husband. OK, he said he's proud of me for making a 100 on my final exam, but he's already pressing about what salaries are and the other night when I told him that things around the house are going to change when I go back to work because I literally do everything, down to keeping up with his appointments, dr stuff, etc, he said I don't want to hear that anymore and I hope you don't get the job. Last year someone stole my identity and opened a Directv account in my name. I had no idea what to do, if I started with the police or with Directv and he has an attorney friend in one his Bible studies who does a lot of pro bono work to help sex trafficking victims and I asked him "could you please ask Wes do I start with filing a police report?" I wasn't asking for any further legal advice than that. And he said no, Wes is too busy for that. Wow, thank you. After decided to just file a police report and spending hours on filling out forms, Directv said I was involved with opening the account. Not true because we already have AT&T Uverse at our house. So, I spent hours more on the phone until I got all the way to the office of the President and a very nice lady believed me and helped me get it all taken care of. He will help go out of his way to help other people, but not me. Its like I'm everyone's helper, but no one has my back.

I also don't know what will happen with our housing situation on April 1. If we were to told to vacate the house, that is the last straw for me. I can understand when someone's business is struggling, but this has been for years that he's put forth little to no effort to find deals and has been waiting on this gold investment so this is a self destructive thing here. He has one possibility for a deal, a client was supposed to look at some property in December, but the partner had to leave town at the last minute, or so they said and he's got calls and text in to the client and no word. He's not looking for anything else or even a job. I've worked off and on, but he's wanted me to take care of him and the house, which I've done. He's made it difficult for me when I've worked in the past, wanting me to take off for people's funerals that aren't even family. Stuff like that.

So I think right now, I don't know what I'm going to do on the divorce front because I need a job first and I need to get settled on a job before moving into that arena. I hate the thought that I'm trapped by this debt. So, one day, one step at a time.

 

[vivbc]

I can’t say what you should do but seeing a properly trained psychologist for your wellbeing is something to consider, as a support system. It’s a rough road ahead, and you are doing great.

 

[ashaw]

I can’t say what you should do but seeing a properly trained psychologist for your wellbeing is something to consider, as a support system. It’s a rough road ahead, and you are doing great.

Thank you so much! I really appreciate everyone's support. Just having this place to share and heal makes a huge difference. I'd love to see a psychologist but right now there's not the money for it. My health insurance doesn't cover mental health care. I did, however see a licensed professional counselor for about a year and half in the aftermath of my affair. I remember some of her comments about my marriage: "Your present living situation isn't sustainable (living off borrowed money)" and "is your husband grounded in reality (after telling her about the gold treasure)". I'm really taking things slowly and one day at a time.

This is funny, I was supposed to get my Total Body Barbell and Gloved Up and Sweaty DVDs today, but they've decided that they want to take a little trip. They went from Dallas to Houston to Dallas to Houston over the weekend. I hope they'll be delivered tomorrow. But too late for me to do the Weight Lover's Rotation I'd had my heart set on.

 

[Kellyro77]

Twelve Step support groups are a great option. Plus you get to be around people who know exactly what it's like to be going through what you're dealing with. Yes, the stories are different, but a lot of the behaviors are not.

From the sounds of it, Al-Anon or CoDA might be helpful for you, and you only donate what you can when you can. AA might also be useful as you work to maintain your hard-earned sobriety.

 

[TessGeo13]

Thank you so much everyone! I'm scheduled for my American Heart Assn Basic Life Support and AED Training on the evening of Jan 25. I'm going to hit the ground running tomorrow after I do Athletic Training and get the ball rolling on finding out my eligibility to take a PT Tech/Aide certification exam. Its not really necessary, but because I'm trying to start a career in a field where I have no prior experience, I'm hoping that education will set me apart as well as make me look totally work ready as I'll have the BLS certification which is required for virtually every medical field job.

I feel overwhelmed at times because I get zero support from my husband. OK, he said he's proud of me for making a 100 on my final exam, but he's already pressing about what salaries are and the other night when I told him that things around the house are going to change when I go back to work because I literally do everything, down to keeping up with his appointments, dr stuff, etc, he said I don't want to hear that anymore and I hope you don't get the job. Last year someone stole my identity and opened a Directv account in my name. I had no idea what to do, if I started with the police or with Directv and he has an attorney friend in one his Bible studies who does a lot of pro bono work to help sex trafficking victims and I asked him "could you please ask Wes do I start with filing a police report?" I wasn't asking for any further legal advice than that. And he said no, Wes is too busy for that. Wow, thank you. After decided to just file a police report and spending hours on filling out forms, Directv said I was involved with opening the account. Not true because we already have AT&T Uverse at our house. So, I spent hours more on the phone until I got all the way to the office of the President and a very nice lady believed me and helped me get it all taken care of. He will help go out of his way to help other people, but not me. Its like I'm everyone's helper, but no one has my back.

I also don't know what will happen with our housing situation on April 1. If we were to told to vacate the house, that is the last straw for me. I can understand when someone's business is struggling, but this has been for years that he's put forth little to no effort to find deals and has been waiting on this gold investment so this is a self destructive thing here. He has one possibility for a deal, a client was supposed to look at some property in December, but the partner had to leave town at the last minute, or so they said and he's got calls and text in to the client and no word. He's not looking for anything else or even a job. I've worked off and on, but he's wanted me to take care of him and the house, which I've done. He's made it difficult for me when I've worked in the past, wanting me to take off for people's funerals that aren't even family. Stuff like that.

So I think right now, I don't know what I'm going to do on the divorce front because I need a job first and I need to get settled on a job before moving into that arena. I hate the thought that I'm trapped by this debt. So, one day, one step at a time.

I just want to say that I wish you all the best but personally, despite any difficulties, I would not be with that man and focus on gaining all qualifications. I am in awe of your patience! Please keep us posted.

 

[ashaw]

I just want to say that I wish you all the best but personally, despite any difficulties, I would not be with that man and focus on gaining all qualifications. I am in awe of your patience! Please keep us posted.

Thank you so much for your kindness. I would love to get out, but the first thing I need is a job. On Friday I took two PT Aide certification practice exams and passed both of them which according to the agency is a good indictor of passing the real exam. Certification isn't necessary, but I'm doing to show a prospective employer that I've invested extra time in my education as I don't have any experience in the actual field. I'm also going to take a online training class about soft skills because it also includes updated things on resume writing, cover letters, interview skills, workplace etiquette, cultural respect, and other important things regarding communicating and getting along with others in the work place.

Even after I do find a job, the elephant in the room is my debt. I've been financially manipulated and its taken me a long long time to finally open my eyes and accept it. One example is back in 2021, our tankless water heater and toilet broken within a few weeks of each other and of course there was no money to fix either of them. My husband was golfing while I was dealing with the repair people. We tried to get the loan in his name, but he didn't even have the credit at the time to do so. I ended up having to take out the $6000 loan because we needed hot water and a working toilet. A few of my credit cards have high balances because we lived out off of them because there was always the promise of things will get better. I haven't used any credit cards except to repair my car last year - needed because I didn't have a running a/c - and its been an uphill battle because interest rates are so high its like you make no progress at all. Example, I've sold a ton of stuff on eBay to put a few extra hundred dollars on a few credit cards. I paid quite a bit extra on two accounts last month and guess what, my minimum payment for this month is unchanged. The problem is everything is so expensive right now that I don't know if I could afford basic needs like food, housing, auto insurance, phone while dealing with all these credit card payments. And while bankruptcy sounds easy, I wouldn't want to do something that an employer could find out about and that would make me look irresponsible as a person.

 

[ashaw]

Ashaw, your situation sounds so dire. I'm going to be frank and I hope not offensive. You need a job - now. You could apply to work at a local gym (so many small gyms/clubs don't require experience or training or certifications - no offense to professionals who work at gyms/club where it is required), or waitress at a nearby restarurant, or see if your local schools could use you as a classroom or transportation aide or kitchen server, or even work as a cashier at Walmart while working toward a position in PT. You are more employable if you are currently working; most students have to work while attending school. (Gosh, some larger apartment complexes offer housing as part of the payment if you work as a manager or even a house/complex cleaner - there's an idea - housing and an income ). Real life work experience is the most valuable. It could be part-time at first to get your feet wet in the workforce. Your husband may not like that you're working - it might make him feel uncomfortable as it may become part of his reality check, but you need an income, and now - so his discomfort shouldn't enter into this. If working is out of the question, then volunteer somewhere - you need real life experience in the work force. All the best.

Thank you. To say that I feel overwhelmed right now is an understatement. I've also been dealing with an ongoing urinary/bladder issue that I'm going to see a urogynecologist on Friday. I'm not sure if its age or hormones but after using some eczema medication last summer, I've had 3 UTI's in a period of 6 months. I have discomfort "down there" when I do cardio and urinating is uncomfortable after doing cardio. Its an embarassing thing and I'm not sure what's going on, but hopefully on Friday I'll get some answers and at least get matters taken care of before I dive headfirst into job hunting. I've been leaning towards doing something gig oriented like Instacart or Taskrabbit once I finish school so at least I can bring in some money but still have flexibility as well. I joke that my back up plans have back up plans. I even have a plan to possibly look into becoming a registered behavioral technician which is a 40 hour certification that can be done online as well that involves working with autistic children should I go what i deem "too long" without being able to find a job as a PT Aide. Health insurance and a living wage are what I need and I chose healthcare because the benefits are always superb. I even looked into working somewhere like HEB or Kroger, but they don't have full time with benefits.

 

[Hazlady]

You are more employable if you are currently working; most students have to work while attending school.

Real life work experience is the most valuable.

I can attest to this; I came out of University with a Master of Chemistry degree only to find most companies thought I was overqualified and underexperienced. It took me a while to get my first job.

Certification isn't necessary, but I'm doing to show a prospective employer that I've invested extra time in my education as I don't have any experience in the actual field. I'm also going to take a online training class about soft skills because it also includes updated things on resume writing, cover letters, interview skills, workplace etiquette, cultural respect, and other important things regarding communicating and getting along with others in the work place.

Be careful you don't fall into the trap of using education as a stalling tactic for finding a job. This can be easy to do especially when you are feeling overwhelmed.

To say that I feel overwhelmed right now is an understatement.

You are definitely going through an extremely challenging time right now. Acknowledge your feelings. Your medical issues could well be related to stress. Remember, this situation won't last forever. Eventually you will get through it. There is a technique I was taught years ago where you chunk down overwhelming tasks into manageable portions. If there is some goal that seems too hard, define the goal, determine the actions required to achieve the goal, and then break those actions down into smaller manageable chunks. A manageable chunk might be as simple as making a phone call or doing a bit of online research. At times when I am feeling extremely overwhelmed, I say to myself "Just get through the next 5 minutes". And don't forget to breathe! I use a technique called box breathing, where you inhale for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts, exhale for 4 counts, and hold for 4 counts. This helps to stop my brain from spinning out and catastrophizing. Hopefully you get your health issues sorted quickly so you can focus on finding a job. Stay Strong!

 

[ashaw]

Thank you all once again. And that is what I'm trying to do. Break things down and focus on one thing at a time. Someone on here once said about going through paramedic training that you can only handle one problem at a time. I started my online training in early November and a few weeks later had a gyn appointment to follow up on some ovarian cysts that have been under surveillance for several years. I wasn't sure if I was going to need surgery, which was part of why I chose online training that was flexible because I wasn't sure if I did in person or online instructor led training and then had surgery what would happen if I had miss a few sessions.

I'm glad I'm finally seeing the uro-gyn because if I have any issues, I'd rather get them resolved now because I do have insurance and I have time i should I need any procedure. The most annoying thing about the urinary issue is just needing to use the restroom quite a bit more. If its just mid life hormonal stuff, at least I'll know and can proceed with caution on any type of HRT.

The best thing of all is that despite the stress I'm under and living in a house full of alcohol, drinking is the farthest thing from my mind because now I know how good it feels to be clear headed and running on a great night's sleep.

While I do want out, I certainly don't want to rush into a decision of that magnitude. Yes its difficult now, yes, it'll probably get more difficult once I return to work, but when I do find a job, I need to make sure the job is a good fit for me before making any exit plans. And even then, when that time gets closer, I want to have a talk with my mom and step dad and if possible have my step dad with me when I tell him I want to leave because I don't know what reaction I might get. Right now I just have to focus on my health, school and a temporary job, like gig work, until I find a stable, steady PT Aide job.