Kids and racial terms

[sarahinva]

My husband and I were watching the movie White Chicks last night when my five year old son was "supposed" to be in bed. He ended up walking in right when one of the characters said the "n" word. Luke piped right up and said, "Mama, what's a n*gger?" This was his first encounter with the word, and I tried to explain to him that it is a very, very bad word that he should never say because it would cause hurt feelings, and we just don't talk like that. He's very inquisitive and went on to ask why the guy in the movie didn't act like his feelings were hurt. I went on to TRY to explain that it seems that, in today's culture, it seems to be okay for black kids to call other black kids that word, but it should never, ever come out of the mouth of a white kid. The more I talked, the more confused Luke became. Finally, he ended the conversation by saying he wished he was black so he could use that word. I told him, "I'm sorry, but there's not a thing I can do about that."

I'm holding my breath, praying that he doesn't go to school today and experiment with the word! I told his preschool teacher that he walked into the room while the movie was on, but I'm going to be on pins and needles all day! Does anyone else have any other suggestions of how to explain the use of racial terms to a very inquisitive 5 year old???

Thanks!
Sarah

 

[candi]

Wow, Sarah! That's a tough one x(

 

[scm]

Sarah, that is tough. I too have a five year old. I don't recall what was said right now, but when my sister was visiting not too long ago, we watched a bit of a comedy skit on Comedy Central. My son was standing in the stairwell for a few minutes without my knowledge. He asked what ??? was. I said, "it's a bad word and don't you ever repeat it!"

As far as black people go, he doesn't realize any difference. Which is great. In a conversation we had, he was telling me about one of the singers on American Idol. He kept saying, the one with the long hair and other brief descriptions. I was thinking Bo, but he was referring to Amwar (sp?).

Who knows, he might just have forgotten about it. Hopefully.

 

[jdoll]

Sarah: I realize that you were doing your best to explain a tough question, but IMO, it was probably not a good idea to say it's ok for black people to say it. There are alot of people (of all races) that still are very offended by this word. There are some that have embraced it as a term of endearment, but a 5 year-old can't understand that , so i would tell him that it's a word he doesn't need to say and end it there.
That's just my 2 cents.


jes

 

[sarahinva]

That's a good point. Hindsight's 20/20, as they say. But, I also wanted to prepare him for what he'll hear, for example, on the school bus next year. I teach here in our county, and I DO hear that word ALL the time in the hallways, cafeteria, etc. I don't allow students (of any race) to say it in class, but I also know that Luke is bound to hear it next year when he starts riding the bus and is in school himself. I wanted him to know that it's not okay to say, but I also wanted him to know that he probably will hear it.

This was never an issue with my daughter (who's 10). She has never even questioned the word. Luke, however, is a different breed. He'd rather argue about things and test the waters than any child I know!

Sarah

 

[candi]

Luke sounds like my granddaughter. I tell DD she would make a good lawyer, LOL! It certainly shows he's a complex thinker. I think that's a good thing but certainly presents some challenges to the parents.

Disclaimer: No offense meant to the legal profession

 

[kathryn]

Yeah, it's really hard to make young kids understand that "n...er" is a derogatory term used by whites against blacks, and "n....a" is used by some blacks as a term of endearment.