cyber-bullying: is it a way of life?

LizO66

LizO66

Cathlete
I just needed to get this out... Young women are more and more publicly bullying one another on the Internet - like it's just a thing they do!! This morning I saw some of the things that are being written about my daughter on Facebook and it just breaks my heart. She's a sweet girl - she's sensitive but has good self-esteem - and some of those words are hideous. Written mainly by a girl whose tag line is "It isn't rape if you like it." WHAT?! My daughter seems genuinely unconcerned; we have a really close relationship and talk a lot (she's almost 16). She doesn't want me to interfere - I get that because she wants to be independent - but I'm not sure if I should contact the school about it anyway? I think they ask you to print out some of the language, but this will clearly document who contacted the school. It wouldn't surprise me if this girl assaulted my daughter - I'm serious. In fact, I wouldn't put it past the parents to assault me if I, in their opinion, "disrespect" them. Ugh. Sorry for bringing up this terrible subject - it's just that it's in my stomach like a 15 lb kettleball.
 
I don't have children, but I have nieces and nephews that are very near and dear to my heart. Your post was so sad! And after reading about that case of cyber bullying that ended in a poor girl's suicide, I don't know what to think!? At least your daughter has you looking out for her. I wonder if Ms. It isn't rape if you like it's mother knows what's going on with her daughter's internet use.

No advice, just wanted to say I'm sorry for your daughter. Hug her tight and let her know she's loved.
 
Bullying is bullying no matter where it is done!!!!
And believe me, it's NOT just teenagers. My son in 1st grade was bullied about his glasses. FIRST GRADE!!!! I talked to him and told him how to how to handle it. I talked to the other parents and they were USELESS. The old Boys will be Boys thing. After months of this, I went to the school and put a stop to it. The bully was eventually transferred out. Not because of my son, but because of ALL the other kids he had done it to.

This is the PARENTS responsibility (or lack thereof). IMHO, I don't see why ANY young teenager should be on the internet UNACCOMPANIED by an adult. Even though your DD is being bullied, she is still able to see those awful things that are written. Any girl, woman, or parent who uses the "R" word in any way meant to be humorous, needs to be slapped!!!

I feel for you and your daughter. It's wrong and mean and totally out of control. I would bring the whole thing to the parents and the principal and the superintendant of schools. This has got to stop. I bet more parents would complain and take their issues to the other parents if someone spoke up. As her mother, I would try my best to get the situation under control.
Physical assault???? That is truly scary. Please talk with your DD and explain why you need to handle this. Some other child may get hurt.

Good Luck
ellie
 
Most schools today have cyber bullying policies. You should definitely complain to the principal even if your DD says it doesn't bother her. These things can escalate/spread like wildfire throughout a school.

Don't bother with the girl's parents--I've rarely had them do the responsible thing when I informed them of their children's bullying behavior. Most just claim, "MY child would NEVER use that word or do such and such because it's strictly FORBIDDEN in OUR house." Yeah, right. As soon as the kids leave the house, they have no problem doing it!

Good luck and (((((hugs)))))
 
That's a tricky one and one of those things that I think as a parent you have to decide how much danger you child is really in because calling any attention to it could put her in more danger.

I lived in a small town growing up where everyone knew everyone and there were tons of little connections everywhere, not just w/ kids but with parents. Nothing reported was ever kept annonomous no matter what they said and once the kids (and the parents!) found you that you told on them, no matter what it was, your life became a living hell.

My mom had me transferred off a basketball team in 5th grade because the coach refused to let me get a drink of water during practice and I passed out. I regretted telling her because my life sucked for the next few months after it. The coach got in trouble and all the other kids took it out on me.

Put it this way, a few months back there was an altercation on a bus where two kids beat the snot out of another one and the bus driver just ignored it. The kid's parents raised hell at the school about it and pretty much put a huge bullseye on the kid because the other boys that beat him up (and their parents) were part of the "in" crowd. Not only did the kids heckle him, but other parents. It's horrible.

I think if she doesn't really seem to be upset by it and you don't feel she is really in any serious danger, you should just let it go.
 
I have no children and can't help here. But I just have to say this makes me sick. I'm 47 and I thought things were bad when I was a kid. Kids seem so evil today and parents, so unwilling to be bothered.
 
I think the more people turn a blind eye to bullying in general, the worse it will get. But because you need a significant number of people in your corner, which one doesn't always get, it's one of those things where you have to learn of the art of picking your battles.

I would talk more about this with your daughter and find out exactly how bad this is. If the bully is only writing crap online but is otherwise not bothering your daughter in any way, then it might be smarter to ignore it. It could just be a case of a frustrated, immature girl spouting off online (people have so much more verbal freedom on the internet, and many abuse it), and nobody takes her seriously. Many many think poorly of her for it. Eventually she'll get bored and move on.

If, on the other hand, this is extending beyond Facebook and into school and your daughter's social life (example...other people are joining in on the bullying, she's losing friends, she's being intimidated, her grades are suffering), then I'd go to the principal.

Good luck! I send you much strength and wisdom. <3 We haven't experienced this yet, but we homeschool, so we tend not to be in the type of atmosphere that lends itself to unpleasant pack mentality.

I'm not surprised to hear that many parents of bullies do nothing ~ I see so much hands-off parenting around me, it's frightening. Proper social behavior and ties are not emphasized at all, and there's a disturbing lack of personal responsibility. I often find myself wondering why certain people bothered to have children in the first place.
 
ITA with laughingwater, parents have set their priorities in the wrong places. ALL kids need guidance but especially on the internet. They are exposed to way too much, way too early. It's frightening. :(:(

In my son's case, I had to tell a 6 year old little boy that some people say hurtful things because they are lonely and not taken care of at home. That was the hardest conversation I've ever had. It broke my heart to tell him that some kids don't get enough attention from their parents. Something that was totally foreign to him.

I taught him to feel proud of himself and helped everyday to build his self confidence. But Bullying does not have to be a way of life. Fortunately, he's way too young for the internet, and I have no intention of exposing him to it.

I hope your DD is doing well. And YOU too. Because that pain is awful when it's your child

ellie
 
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